Cafe Munio
by PantherHearts
Summary: 17 year old Tsuna decides that it's time to find himself a job, and manages to land himself a part-time job in a cafe with his six co-workers. But the customers are stranger than ever: is that a real sword? Tsuna realizes that he's really gotten himself into deep trouble this time. Pretty much All27, if you squint.
1. Chapter 1

Café Munio

Tsuna was well into the second year of high school in Namimori High when he realized that he should probably get a part-time job. Lots of other students had gotten part-time jobs by now, and he supposed that it would be a good experience for the future.

So Tsuna wandered around Namimori for a bit, glancing at shops to see if they needed any extra workers. He'd found two shops: a clothing shop and a Vietnamese restaurant, but the clothing shop already had a list of people who'd applied and the Vietnamese restaurant had a rather unpleasant worker who insulted him multiple times and frequently called him a girl.

Tsuna thought that it would be an unpleasant atmosphere to work in, so he walked away in despair. He was on his way home when he noticed a blonde haired man wearing army-style clothing setting up some tables.

 _It must be a new shop_ , Tsuna realized. _Perhaps I can find a job here._

Feeling particularly brave, he walked over to the man and said cautiously, "Excuse me? My name is Sawada Tsunayoshi, and I would like to know if there are any part-time jobs available here."

"Sawada Tsunayoshi?" the blonde man asked cheerfully. "Sure, we need a few extra hands anyway. My name's Colonello, by the way. You'll need to ask Lal Mirch about the job thing, though, she's the one who runs everything after all."

"A-Ah. I see, so do I go inside?" Tsuna felt his intuition begin to act up, but it was too late to back down anyways.

"Sure. The door's not locked. Lal is probably in there putting up decorations or something," Colonello gestured to the glass door and Tsuna muttered a thanks before entering the shop.

The interior of the shop was rather quaint, with round wooden tables, flowers, and mirrors tastefully arranged all around. It obviously wasn't finished yet, though, as a bucket of paint stood in a corner and there were wooden planks lying in random places on the floor. In the middle of the room a blue-haired woman stood on a ladder, doing something to a hanging light fixture overhead.

"Excuse me? I'm looking for Lal Mirch," Tsuna said nervously.

"That would be me," the woman said, turning around, and Tsuna noticed that she had red goggles over her eyes. Who wears goggles inside? Maybe it was a necessity for whatever it was she was doing.

"And who are you?" Lal Mirch said suspiciously, climbing down from the ladder, which was wobbling precariously.

"Um, my name is Sawada Tsunayoshi and I was wondering if I can secure a part-time job here. Colonello told me to find you," Tsuna fidgeted as he felt the woman stare at him.

"Hmph. We need a bit of extra help, anyway. Don't damage anything," and Lal Mirch turned away.

"D-does that mean I get the job?" Tsuna ventured.

"What does it sound like, boy? Yes, you do," the woman snapped, "Go get a form from that room over there, and fill it out. Leave it on my desk and I'll call you to tell you your job information."

"Y-yes ma'am," Tsuna squeaked, and the woman nodded her head, satisfied. He quickly walked over to the door, opened it, and slid inside.

Much to his dismay, there was a man with a fedora sitting behind the desk. "U-um, hello, my name is—" Tsuna began.

"Sawada Tsunayoshi, I know," the man interrupted, and Tsuna jumped.

"A-ah, yes." Tsuna noticed a green chameleon sitting on the brim of the fedora .

"This is Leon," the man said, lifting a hand up to the hat, and Leon crawled onto it obediently. Tsuna shuddered. "I am Reborn. The form is over here. Fill it out in ten minutes."

"Ten minutes?" Tsuna squeaked. "But—" he said, panicked, only for the man to cut him off again. "Do it," he ordered. "Or I'll shoot you."

Tsuna watched in amazement as the chameleon somehow _morphed_ into a gun and decided that do first, ask questions later was the better motto to follow in this situation. _More like ask questions never_ , Tsuna thought forlornly. He should have trusted his intuition.

After filling out the form (which had included some strange questions like "Can you throw knives?" and "Are you a patient person?") Tsuna left it on the desk and quickly exited the room, shivering at the feel of the man's cold gaze directed at his back.

The new café was only two blocks away from his house and Tsuna was eternally grateful for that as he hurried home. "Kaa-san!" he called. "I'm home!"

"Welcome back, Tsu-kun. Did you find a job?" Nana asked cheerfully. "I've made dinner, so come and eat, okay?"

"Yes, Kaa-san," Tsuna replied. "And yes, I did find a job. It's at the new café two blocks away."

"Good job, Tsu-kun," Nana was the same as usual—carefree and unassuming.

That night Tsuna dreamt of chameleons spitting bullets and a mysterious man wearing a fedora and sporting two horns on top of his head.

The following morning was a Saturday, and at exactly 9 AM, Tsuna answered the telephone to hear the brisk, demanding voice of Lal Mirch. "Sawada," she barked as a way of greeting.

"Yes, ma'am?" he answered, since he had long since decided that 'ma'am' was the proper way to address this military-like woman.

She sniffed, then ordered Tsuna in a loud voice to 'get that lazy butt of his over to the shop by ten this morning or lose his job and his backpack,' which he had apparently left at the shop. That made no sense whatsoever as Tsuna clearly remembered doing his homework last night, and he ran up to check.

Finding no backpack in his room, Tsuna threw on some proper non-pajama clothes and raced to the store at full speed, to find Lal Mirch holding his backpack in one hand.

"I-I don't understand!" he burst out as Lal Mirch tossed his backpack to him. Tsuna rifled through the bag only to find that his homework was done, just as he'd remembered. He looked up hopelessly, and saw Lal Mirch whistling an innocent tune as she painted the walls a vibrant orange color.

With a growing sense of dread, Tsuna realized that the only way they could have gotten his backpack would be _if they had snuck into his room when he was sleeping_.

Tsuna was too afraid to ask.

Lal Mirch instructed Tsuna, Colonello and Reborn to meet in the back room at eleven, where Tsuna waited nervously while Reborn sat in a dark corner like a threatening shadow and Colonello wiped the table.

Lal entered with five more people and Tsuna's intuition warned him that he was in a very dangerous situation and he should definitely get out immediately, but Tsuna, naturally, was too chicken to ask.

"Sawada," Lal barked, and Tsuna jumped to attention. "These are your colleagues: Verde, Fon, Skull, and Viper." _What kind of names are these?_ Tsuna thought wildly. "Sawada! Pay attention!"

"Yes ma'am!"

"Colonello and Skull are our waiters, Viper is our finance manager, and Verde and Fon work in the kitchen," Lal explained, and Tsuna nodded to show he understood.

"How about you and Reborn-san, then?" Tsuna mumbled, trying not to draw too much attention to himself.

"I help out with anything that needs to be done," Lal sighed, "Which is quite a lot of things," she added, glaring at the other colleagues, earning sheepish smiles in return.

"H-how about Reborn-san?" Tsuna asked.

"Don't use the –san, we find it annoying," Lal ordered, and Tsuna complied.

"What about Reborn?" he asked again. Lal paused to think about his question.

"Reborn… is the boss, I think," she finally said. _They don't know who their boss is?_ Tsuna thought incredulously. _Oh, well_ , he thought in resignation, _they do seem to be a rather… eccentric bunch_.

"What do I work as?"

Lal eyed him in surprise. "That's a good question. You're the cashier, and waiter, if needed."

"Oh. Okay," Tsuna said quietly, deciding that going along with things and not asking questions would lead him to a better fate than opposing would. All six seemed rather intimidating, after all.

"Right, let's get the shop in order!" Lal instructed, clapping her hands once. Colonello seemed startled by the loud clap, and Lal wasted no time in fiercely reprimanding him and telling him to pay attention.

Her method of punishment seemed to involve quite a lot of punches and violent shaking, so Tsuna made a mental note not to annoy her in the future.

Tsuna had been dismissed from work when he remembered that he wanted to ask Lal something. "Ma'am," he said cautiously, "C-can I ask you a question?"

"Speak up, Sawada," she commanded.

Tsuna took that as a yes, and spoke a little louder when he asked, "What does Café Munio mean?"

"Munio is Latin for _to defend and protect_ ," she answered in that no-nonsense way of hers. "Now go home. Tomorrow is Sunday and our first day of business. Get here by nine."

To defend and protect. Oh, Tsuna just knew that he'd gotten himself in deep trouble this time.


	2. Chapter 2

Café Munio: Chapter 2

On Sunday, it rained. The downpour soaked Tsuna's shoes through, but thankfully, Tsuna was already inside the shop when the thunderstorm truly began. Lightning flashed as Tsuna stared at his ruined shoes and socks.

"Here," Lal dropped a pair of flip-flops by his side, "Change into these. We can't have you tracking wet footprints all around the café on the first day."

That was her excuse, but Tsuna knew on instinct that this was how she showed kindness. So he replied with a smile and soft "Thank you."

It was infinitely more comfortable wearing flip-flops than his wet, possibly stinky shoes, and Tsuna sighed at he relaxed in the chair. Of course, he was in the back room—Lal would never allow him to sit on one of the customers' chairs.

The tinkling of the chimes signaled that a customer, or possibly customers, had entered. Tsuna jerked up in shock—who would come to a café during such a heavy thunderstorm? Perhaps they were seeking shelter. Yes, that was the only possible answer.

Multiple voices jabbered away outside, which alerted Tsuna to the fact that there was more than one customer inside the café. He shook his head in disbelief, and exited the room.

Seated around two tables were seven thoroughly soaked people. They were certainly a most peculiar group—at least, they were definitely not normal.

"VOI!" an eardrum-shattering shout echoed through the dainty café and Tsuna winced as he grabbed a couple menus from a nearby shelf. "I told you it was a bad day for the mission!" a long white haired man ranted angrily, waving a—was that a _sword_?

"It was senpai's idea." This came from a boy wearing a humongous black frog hat that was bigger than his own head, and Tsuna marveled at how heavy it must be.

"Shut up, my uncute kouhai*," which was said by a blonde haired boy roughly Tsuna's own age, who was wearing a sparkling tiara and waving a few very sharp-looking knives. To Tsuna's horror, the blonde promptly threw them at the previous boy, and the knives impaled themselves into the frog hat.

Tsuna was dreading approaching these customers more and more by the second.

"Shut up, trash," a deep voice growled, and Tsuna shivered, eyes darting from customer to customer.

The one who had just spoken was a spiky-haired man with scars on his face, and he had his eyes closed and looked like he was trying to sleep. A permanent frown graced his features, and the person who spoke up next was a man with a strange toothpick-like mustache and goatee.

"The boss wants you to shut up!" he said angrily.

"I won't listen to a filthy peasant like you," the blonde haired boy shot back, "Idiot Levi."

"Ah, senpai has said something intelligent for once," the frog-hat boy droned, only to find more knives in his hat.

"Clean them and return them to me, froggie," the blonde boy snapped as frog-hat boy plucked the knives out of his hat and bent them like it was no big deal, before dropping them on the ground.

"No way in the six stages of hell, fake prince senpai," he said in that unnerving monotone.  
Tsuna prayed to all the gods who may be watching and decided that now would be a good time to intervene before a fight broke out.

"U-um, excuse me," Tsuna began timidly, sliding the menus onto the table, "Would you like to order?"

"What took you so long, brat?" the white-haired sword-waving maniac snarled, flipping open a menu. Tsuna shrank back.

The green haired man with the Mohawk spoke up for the first time. "Don't scare the boy, Squ-Squ!"

"Shut up!" was the loud, brash answer, and Tsuna wished he could sink into a hole and hide and never come back. What was wrong with these people?!

"Senpai, I want a lava cake," frog-hat boy droned.

"I hope they make it with real lava! Then you can jump in and die!" the blond haired 'prince-senpai' seemed entirely too happy about that.

"U-um, sorry to disappoint you, sir… we make the lava cakes with molten chocolate," Tsuna intervened desperately, praying for no knives to be sent his way.

"That's your highness to you, dirty commoner!" prince-senpai growled, and Tsuna jumped.

"A-ah, yes, your highness," he squeaked. Why, oh why had he picked this job?

The rest of the group gave their orders and Tsuna happily retreated from the table, running to the kitchen to give Fon the orders. Then he waited at the cashier and tried to drown out the noise of the rowdy argument going on at the customers' tables.

"Which one's salt? Which one's pepper?!" Prince-senpai was saying, irritation lacing his voice.

"My, my, your mother must be very disappointed in you, senpai," frog-hat boy deadpanned, and the prince howled and lunged at him.

The guy with the mohawk pulled the two apart from where they were rolling on the floor and said, "Fran, Belphegor, really! Behave! Or Mama Luss won't bake any cookies tomorrow," he sang, and the two quieted down.

Tsuna noticed with growing dread that the prince's frantic stabbing had left little slitted marks in the nice, polished wooden floor. Oh, Lal was going to kill him later. Not only that, but… those knives were real!

The fluffy brown haired boy wondered if he should be writing his will.

"Tsuna!" Fon called from the kitchen window. Tsuna took that as his cue and ran over to see plates of beautifully prepared desserts.

"These look wonderful, Fon," Tsuna smiled at him. Fon thanked him and Tsuna readied his nerves for the predictably terrible experience that serving these maniacs would grant him. He picked up the tray and made his way through the tables.

"E-excuse me," Tsuna cleared his throat. "Your orders are here," he said in a small voice, and was surprised when a hushed silence descended over the tables. "One lava cake…" he began.

They were all really quiet as they devoured the desserts with the enthusiasm of multiple cats in a cat-brawl in some alleyway, because Tsuna admitted that they all sounded horribly fierce as they shoved desserts into their mouths.

Frog-hat boy, or Fran, as Tsuna had learned just now, was the calmest in eating. He sped up when he noticed Prince Belphegor was almost done though—Tsuna learned why a few seconds later when Bel leaned over to try and steal Fran's lava cake.

"Give the cake to the prince!" Bel demanded.

"No, senpai, this is mine. Go find your cake in a trash can somewhere," Fran held the cake away from Bel as four more knives landed in his hat. Tsuna was about to go over and try to break up the upcoming fight when Fran vanished.

He simply disappeared, and Tsuna rubbed his eyes as the prince raged. "Stupid uncute kouhai! The prince wants more dessert!" he ordered.

Fran shimmered into view from outside the store, a green umbrella over his head and a sign that said, "I'M NOT PAYING" plastered to the window of the shop.

The remaining group members glanced at each other, and Bel was the first to leap for the door as everyone else struggled to squeeze through at the same time, which resulted in a lot of violent swearing and the insulting of other people's moms.

The scary black-haired man with the scars was the only one left, and Tsuna really didn't want to go up to him and ask for a check.

He didn't need to, though, because when the man opened one red eye to glance at his empty surroundings, he bellowed, "TRASH!"

"Boss!" the toothpick mustached man came running in.

"Pay. We leave for Italy in an hour." The man stood up and strode out of the café, slamming open the door as he did so. Tsuna watched, feeling like the door would fall off its hinges. To his alarm, it did, and landed with a clatter on the floor.

Tsuna could only gape as mustache-man waved an annoyed hand in front of his face. "Hello? …Hello?!"

Tsuna snapped back to reality and responded with a hurried, "Yes, sir!" After exchanging the proper amount of money, the man left and Tsuna collapsed with a sigh onto a chair.

Unbeknownst to Tsuna, when the Varia had been in the café, there had actually been more than ten black-clad men standing in the shadows outside, talking in hushed whispers through an advanced communication system.

"There they are."

"But it's the Arcobaleno café."

"Damn it! We can't go in there; we'll get our heads chopped off!"

"Who's that boy? He's not an Arcobaleno."

"Monitor him for a bit—he might be dangerous."

*Kouhai: the Japanese word for protégé or junior, compared to the senpai (or senior, person of the upper class).


	3. Chapter 3

Café Munio: Chapter 3

There were no more customers after the disastrous group of insane people.

Just like Tsuna had predicted, Lal had been furious at the blade-marks that marred the newly completed floor, but she didn't seem overly surprised. Tsuna was rather confused at that—actual knives used for battle weren't very common, were they?

In fact, Lal had seemed resigned to the fact that there would be blade marks in the floor, but when Tsuna came in the next day after school, the planks had already been replaced.

"That was quick," he remarked to Colonello, who was on duty. "Most repair men would take a few days to arrive and change the planks. They planks look just like the other ones, too."

"We only hire professionals," was his mysterious answer.

Tsuna was dozing off behind the cashier, since there weren't any customers, when Reborn appeared behind him and seemed to truly enjoy it when Tsuna gave an embarrassingly girlish squeak and toppled into the counter.

"You might want to watch out today on your way home," was his slightly frightening comment.

"O-oh?" Tsuna stuttered. "R-really? Why?"

"Ah, nothing much. Do be careful," and the man wandered away casually, Leon perched on his hat as usual.

Tsuna was a bit creeped out, but he brushed the warning aside. He relaxed again, leaning on the counter, and closed his eyes.

Only a few moments later a smooth voice sounded directly next to his ear, "There are many ways in which this counter can be used, you know."

Tsuna screamed, but even if he was known as No-Good Tsuna, it was rather hard to miss the blatant innuendo that had been waved in front of his face. He blushed bright red.

 _Is it normal to suggest sexual innuendos to your co-workers?_ Tsuna wondered. Whatever the answer was, he sure hoped it wasn't. Reborn (for of course it was Reborn) chuckled and walked away — again.

This time, Tsuna was able to properly doze off for ten minutes, only to be woken by the sound of Colonello greeting a customer. Tsuna opened an eye to find three people seated around one of the tables.

One had wavy red hair, while the other was blonde with a strangle curl on a side of his bangs. The third was bald, and all three seemed to be engaged in some deep and confusing discussion. Tsuna only caught small parts of the conversation, and from what he heard, all three were highly intelligent engineers.

Colonello had placed the menus on their table, but apparently, neither of them had noticed. Colonello had to cough three times to gain their attention, and the redhead looked faintly embarrassed as he picked up a menu. Within a minute they'd picked their orders, and had earnestly returned to their conversation.

Verde was on duty today, and when the energetic blonde passed him the orders, the green haired part-time chef and part-time scientist glanced out the kitchen window to cry out in surprise.

"Why, it's Irie, Spanner, and Giannini! I must join them! It has been such a long time. Tsuna, can you prepare their orders? There are instructions on a shelf, I'm sure you can do it." And the scientist darted out of the kitchen and sat down at the three's table.

"What…?" Tsuna asked, still in shock. "I can't cook! Every time I try to cook, I end up setting something on fire!"

"I'll help you, hey!" Colonello beamed. "I'm not very experienced in the cooking area, but it can't be much different from battle strategy, right?"

Tsuna sweat-dropped. _They're entirely different_ , he thought in dismay as he entered the kitchen. _This is going to be catastrophic_.

Spanner had ordered strawberry gelato. That was relatively simple, since it came in a carton, but Colonello had tried to scoop it out with a spoon instead of the proper utensil. It took two tries for him to realize what was wrong, and half the carton was wasted.

Colonello was happily eating the deformed and therefore not customer-quality ice cream as Tsuna tried to figure out how to make traditional tiramisu, which was Giannini's order. Colonello was checking the fridge for butter when he noticed a container of tiramisu that Fon had made that morning, so that was another dilemma solved.

With two desserts done and in the fridge for the time being, Tsuna struggled with the last order：chocolate banana crepe, which was what Irie had ordered.

"It's pretty simple," Colonello observed from where he was reading the cookbook. They had all the ingredients laid out in front of them, and Tsuna scratched his head as he wondered what to do next.

"Hey, Tsuna! You forgot the bananas," Colonello shouted, and he was heading towards Tsuna with a bunch of them when one fell. Tsuna watched in growing horror as it landed right where Colonello was about to step, and there was a disgusting squishing sound as Colonello (accidentally) stepped on the banana and knocked over the chocolate bottle, sending chocolate sauce all over the counter and dripping over the edge.

"I've come back, do you need…" Verde, who'd come hurrying back after realizing that it'd been far too long since they ordered, stopped and gaped at the mess the kitchen was in.

Tsuna and Colonello stared at him guiltily, before dashing out of the kitchen and onto the street as Verde's indignant roars echoed after them.

After running five blocks and deeming it safe to stop, the two co-workers slowed down and panted. "That was close," Tsuna gasped.

"What's Lal going to say?" Colonello groaned. "This is such a bad impression!" Tsuna just rolled his eyes

"Should we go back?" Tsuna asked doubtfully.

"No," Colonello shuddered. "Imagine Lal's wrath!"

"Excuse me!"

The duo turned around to see a white-haired, smiling man who was eating marshmallows. "Do any of you know where Café Munio is?"

"Er, we work there, actually," Tsuna admitted, grimacing.

"Oh, that's wonderful, Tsu-chan!" the man laughed. "My name is Byakuran."

"Pleased to meet you…" Tsuna trailed off as he realized that he hadn't told the man his name. Café Munio hadn't created name tags for its workers, either, so what exactly was happening. "Why do you know my name?" Tsuna asked cautiously.

"Could you take me to Café Munio, then?" Byakuran said with the most carefree expression Tsuna had ever seen, but he was clearly avoiding the question.

"You'll take me there, won't you? Oh, thank you, Tsu-chan!" And with that, Byakuran dragged Tsuna down the street, with Colonello following close behind.

Nobody noticed the black-clad man standing in a shop, just a little distance away from where they were.

"I missed him, boss," the man whispered into his communication device. "The Arcobaleno was with him, as well as the marshmallow addict."

"Pah! You have bad luck. Send Number 473 instead!"

"Yes, boss."

Back at the café, the three engineers were eating their delayed desserts. Tsuna and Colonello entered the café nervously. "All seems clear," Tsuna whispered, giving the blonde a thumbs-up, and they entered the kitchen.

"Oh."

The blue-haired military woman sat in the middle of the mess, having apparently entered in a hurry and slipped on one of the bananas that were still scattered around.

Tsuna and Colonello looked at each other.

The only logical thing to do at the moment was unfortunately not very brave and not very manly.

They ran.

Byakuran popped another marshmallow in his mouth and chuckled as he watched a shrieking Lal chase the poor duo down the street. _What an amusing pair_ , he mused to himself. _Now, where's the marshmallow cake I wanted?_


	4. Chapter 4

Café Munio: Chapter 4

Tsuna could feel his legs beginning to give out as he ran down the street with Lal Mirch chasing behind him. For some odd reason, Colonello was laughing as they sprinted at full speed down the pavement.

He wasn't even panting.

Tsuna, on the other hand, felt like he was going to faint. It had been five minutes, he was sure of it, of full-out sprinting and the most Tsuna had ever did in class was jog a few hundred meters.

By this time, they'd already made four full rounds of Namimori at impossible speeds, and Tsuna would have given up if not for the threat of an angry Lal Mirch behind them.

"She's going to kill us!" Tsuna gasped, feeling dizzy as they passed the lake, heading to Namimori Temple. "Absolutely crush us..."

Colonello laughed. "Oh, look, there're steps ahead!" he said cheerfully, and Tsuna groaned.

Steps?

"I… I can't…. can't…" Tsuna finally gave up and collapsed on the long trail of stone stairs leading up to the temple. "I surrender," he panted, leaning back on the steps. "I… can't… go…. one step… further…" he admitted.

"Ah, okay then." To Tsuna's surprise, Colonello sat down beside him on the steps. He saw Tsuna's surprised look and said, "A soldier does not abandon his comrade in times of danger!"

Well, this certainly classified as a time of danger, anyways.

"Speaking of Lal, where is she?" Colonello squinted off into the distance. "Have we lost her?"

"Ah… I think so," Tsuna breathed out a sigh of relief. "We were lucky, then…" He closed his eyes in exhaustion and slumped down, but a few seconds later his intuition screamed at him and Tsuna bolted back upright.

"Tsuna? What is it?" Colonello looked alarmed. He glanced around before seeing something behind Tsuna. "Oh…" His face rapidly paled.

A dark, menacing shadow loomed over Tsuna and he felt himself freeze. He forced himself to turn around and shakily breathed out. "H-Hibari-san…" he muttered in horror.

"You're crowding." The one and only carnivore raised his trademark deadly tonfas. "I'll bite you to death."

Even after seven years, Hibari would visit Namimori Middle to patrol his halls and scare the living crap out of all the unsuspecting rumors. Even years after he left, rumors still hung around Nami Middle about its infamous Head of the Discipline Committee. New students used to laugh it off, but the situation would soon change when Hibari arrived behind the unfortunate soul and beat him into the floor.

Nami Middle was a dangerous place.

Tsuna debated whether to cower or run—both suggestions seemed equally dangerous. He yelped as a glinting tonfa aimed a jab for his stomach, and was promptly pulled away by Colonello.

"Don't stand there, hey!" he hissed. "That's a bad battle strategy! Run!"

"How is that any better?" Tsuna groaned, but the adrenaline pumping through his veins helped him stumble up and sprint as fast as he could for the second time in ten minutes.

His side immediately flared up with pain, still aching from the cramps just a minute ago. Tsuna could barely hear the soft thuds of Hibari's footsteps on the ground, but something told him that the black-haired (now retired) demon of Namimori Middle was moving extremely quickly and this was a bad situation for him.

(Actually, Hibari was not only the retired demon of Nami Middle. He was also the newly appointed Satan of the whole Namimori, and now strode down the bustling streets of the happy town, sending cold glares at the shoppers that bunched together in groups. Quite terrifying.)

Colonello looked over his shoulder and winced. "A-ah, sorry Tsuna! I gotta go!" and he ran off, leaving Tsuna all alone. What happened to a soldier not abandoning his comrades?

"Why me?" Tsuna wailed, pounding down the stone pavement as quickly as he could, feeling desperately sorry for himself—and his feet.

A cold chill ran down his spine and Tsuna leapt forward onto the rough ground, leaving a few nasty, shallow scratches on his palms as a silver bullet whistled past the space where he had been.

"Idiot! You missed!" a hushed, angry voice whispered from the trees somewhere.

"S-sorry, boss!"

Tsuna nearly screamed. Someone was trying to kill him! Or possibly kidnap him!

"Well, no matter! All together then!" the same angry voice from earlier commanded, and Tsuna went white with shock as ten or so black-clad adults appeared from the trees, all holding sharp weapons and wearing black bandanas around their mouths like one of those ninjas you saw in cartoons.

"Get him!" the leader ordered. Tsuna noticed, from the corner of his eye, that he was wearing a bandana with a blue stripe down its side.

"Herbivores."

Tsuna had forgotten about Hibari! He prayed that the black haired carnivore wouldn't mistake him for one of the ninjas, and quickly crawled away, palms stinging, as Hibari began to smash the noses and dent the skulls of the poor assassination squad.

Speaking of assassination squads—who'd just tried to kill him?

Tsuna couldn't help but think that they couldn't have been very good assassins, since they were very loud, for one. They were also wearing all black, which couldn't be much use in the broad daylight.

He shrugged as he scrambled to his feet and dashed down the lane as fast as his aching feet would let him.

Back at the café, Lal was enthusiastically shouting at Colonello and gesturing wildly at the mess that Fon was currently mopping up.

Tsuna tried to shrink into a corner and hide there forever.

Sadly though, he failed and Lal immediately noticed him. "Sawada!" she barked, looking incredibly intimidating as Tsuna backed into a wall and tried to melt into a puddle and disappear.

She advanced dangerously, glowering. "What happened in the kitchen?" she demanded.

"Well," Tsuna decided that it'd be best to stick to the truth, and blatantly ignored a frantic Colonello behind the blue haired woman. "It was Colonello who slipped on the banana," he supplied, and trembled as Lal turned around to glare menacingly at the now pale man.

"Really now, Sawada?" she inquired icily. "That's not what blondie here told me."

"A-ah, I have a nickname now? H-how kind of you, Lal," Colonello tried, but even Tsuna knew that it was a hopeless case.

Lal was about to scream at them when the chimes tinkled, and she immediately schooled her features into those of a friendly waitress.

Tsuna marveled at how her angry expression disappeared in an instant to change to the exact opposite. It was a very convincing façade, too—if you hadn't been there three seconds ago, like Tsuna had, you'd never have guessed that she'd ever been angry.

"Sawada, go help the customer," she instructed. As she swept past the cowering duo, she hissed, "I'll deal with you later."

They shuddered.

Tsuna turned to smile at the customer, but his (admittedly shaky) smile froze when he noticed the Satan figure of Namimori standing at the entrance.

"A-ah, Hibari-san!" he exclaimed faintly. "How n-nice of you to come…" Tsuna hurried over, nearly tripping over his own feet. (He would have tripped over shoelaces, if he had any—the sneakers that had been soaked the previous day were currently drying off in the garden.)

Hibari didn't wait for Tsuna to lead him to a table. He swept straight in and sat down at a seat near the window.

Tsuna grabbed a menu from the shelf and was hurrying to the table when he really tripped and ended up sprawled across Hibari's table. The menu was sent flying to the next table, where it skidded straight off the edge and landed with a echoing thud on the floor.

Tsuna removed his scarlet face from where it had been smacked straight into Hibari's chest, and he apologized rapidly, clutching his bruised nose.

"S-sorry, Hibari-san!" he yelped. "I promise… I promise I won't do that again!"

Hibari looked oddly surprised and if Tsuna hadn't turned to hurry to the fallen menu, he would've noticed the faintest trace of pale pink on the normally emotionless face.

"You didn't hurt the customer, did you, Tsuna?" Reborn asked, coming out of the room.

"Oh! Hibari-san," Tsuna squeaked, as he straightened from where he'd been bent over picking up the menu, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, herbivore," Hibari said stiffly.

"Ah, that's good then," Tsuna closed his eyes and sighed in relief. Then he noticed a strange feeling in his nose, and discovered that his nose was bleeding. "Ack!" Tsuna yelped, setting the menu down on Hibari's table as he ran off in search of tissues.

"I'm sorry, Hibari-san!" he apologized as he disappeared in the back room. "I'll be back in a moment!"

The two remaining men sent cold glares at each other, until Reborn exited the café noiselessly and disappeared down the street.

Tsuna reappeared. "Where did Reborn go?" he wondered aloud.

"He went out," Hibari informed him. "And I would like to order waffles with a side of green tea ice cream. "

"O-of course, Hibari-san," Tsuna said, moving to the kitchen window to tell Verde the order.

Instead, it was Fon standing there, a contented smile on his face. "Fon?" Tsuna said in surprise. "I thought it's Verde's turn today?"

"It was supposed to be," Fon said pleasantly. "But Lal yelled at him for being irresponsible and letting mere waiters handle the kitchen, so he's suspended for today."

"But personally," Fon added, looking suspicious, "I think that Lal did him a favor instead. He looked all too pleased to be able to tend to his precious experiments."

"That does sound like Verde," Tsuna admitted.

Then Hibari's sharp voice cut through their small talk and he said, "Quit talking and order, herbivore."

"I forgot!" Tsuna face palmed and quickly related Hibari's order to Fon, who set to work preparing.

Tsuna watched Fon whirl through the kitchen, skillfully scooping out the ice cream and pouring the waffle batter into the mold* with ease, and suddenly felt deep respect for the man.

He'd experienced firsthand how hard it was to make something in the kitchen.

In less than five minutes the order was prepared, the ice cream barely melting and the waffle just the right shade of golden-brown.

Tsuna carried the plate over to Hibari. "Hibari-san: one order of waffles with green tea ice cream," he announced, sliding the plate onto the table.

Hibari just nodded.

*I've never made my own waffles. Shocking, right? But I have no idea how to describe waffle making, so if I can get help on that, thank you ever so much.


	5. Chapter 5

**Oh, my gosh I have five reviews already! Thank you so much to:**

 **xD: It's great that you enjoy this *smiley face* Virtual hug for being the first reviewer!**

 **misoriri: Yep, Tsuna's just… kind of oblivious of everything going around him, even if he does have his intuition.**

 **x3: Ooh, now I understand… yay! Thanks for telling me how to make waffles *hides face in shame* They're my favorite breakfast item, but I've never actually made any.**

 **Guest: I try. ^-^**

 **Haraguroi Yukirin: Ooh, look, it was your review that motivated me to update today!**

 **Oh, and I forgot this in the past chapters. Disclaimer: Nope, KHR is not mine, or there'd be so much sexual tension, between basically everyone, that's so thick you could cut it with a blunt fork.**

Café Munio: Chapter 5

After the café closed, Lal had thoroughly beaten them into the ground and then buried them, alive and shrieking, in their grave. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

It wasn't too far off, though, because Tsuna felt a lot more humble. He'd also learned a lesson: Never leave bananas around Colonello, because according to Lal Mirch, this had happened twice before. It always started with Colonello stepping on a banana, too.

No bananas. Got it.

Tsuna dragged his feet as he trudged home. He was nearing the junction when he heard two arguing voices from just around the corner.

Well, it was more like one arguing voice and one laughing voice. Tsuna vaguely heard something about dynamite and quickly went pale as the hiss of something being lit could be heard.

Ignoring his screaming intuition (again), he raced around the corner and took a deep breath to try and stop whatever the duo had been arguing about.

Tsuna breathed a sigh of relief when he discovered it wasn't dynamites that had been lit. Instead, there was just a silver-haired man with a very sour expression on his face, who was smoking a cigarette and tucking a lighter into his pocket.

"You don't understand anything, do you, stupid baseball idiot?" the silver-haired man growled.

"Oh, I do," and Tsuna noticed that the second spiky black-haired man was holding a textbook, "I just choose for you to teach me. It's a lot easier to understand if you teach, anyways. It's also more fun to spend time with you!"

"Shut up and go die!" the silver-haired man roared, turning an impressive shade of red.

Tsuna decided that both of them were around his own age, and that it'd be a better idea not to interact with them. He stood as still as possible as the two passed by, and was almost about to relax when the black-haired guy with the nice eyes called out.

"Yo, aren't you Tsuna?"

They knew him? Tsuna was shocked at that fact—he was the type of person to try and disappear in his seat in class. He didn't have any friends, and wasn't about to try and make anymore after a disastrous, and humiliating, attempt in fourth grade.

"D-do I know you?" Tsuna asked, just as realization hit him and his eyes widened in shock.

He did know them! They were very popular, actually, and even in his own grade. Tsuna had sometimes watched with envy as all the girls flocked to them on Valentine's Day, each of them carrying their own box of chocolates.

Tsuna had often wondered about this tradition, since it didn't really make any sense to him. If you liked someone, did you go up to them on February 14th and hold out an overflowing box of chocolates like 'hey, I got these for you, try to eat them slowly okay? You might get fat.'

This possibility seemed even more real since some of the chocolates were those really high-quality, creamy, sugar-filled ones that would make you gain five pounds per piece.

Still, it was pretty hard for Tsuna to stay away if he ever got to eat those high-quality chocolates. They were chocolate, after all.

Anyway, these two were extremely familiar to Tsuna. He had no idea how they—or at least, the star baseball player—knew him, since Tsuna was 387% sure he'd never spoken to either of them before.

Yamamoto Takeshi grinned at him and walked nearer, dragging Gokudera Hayato with him. "Fancy seeing you here, Tsuna! Do you live nearby?"

"A-ah, I do, actually," Tsuna said nervously. He pointed to the closest house, which, coincidentally, happened to be the one they were standing in front of.

"Oh, right here?" Yamamoto said in surprise, before laughing. "Hayato and I walk past every morning and every afternoon, you know."

"I told you not to call me Hayato!" Gokudera yelped. "I don't know you that well! I don't even want to!"

"We've been friends since sixth grade," Yamamoto frowned at him, "I think we do qualify as best friends."

"It's not like I agreed!" Gokudera argued back, and Tsuna sweat-dropped and wondered if the two had been having the same argument for the past six years.

Before the quarrel could escalate any further, Nana opened the door and smiled at all of them. "Ah, Tsu-kun! Are these you friends? Invite them in, won't you?" she said happily. "It's been such a long time since you've had friends over!"

 _Eight years is a long time_ , Tsuna thought sadly, but Yamamoto grinned at Tsuna and said, "You're mother's so nice! Can we go in, Tsuna?"

Well, Tsuna couldn't have said no, even if he'd wanted to.

The duo, now trio, ended up sitting in Tsuna's bedroom as Gokudera frustrated himself explaining the math problem to Yamamoto.

"Ah, I see," Yamamoto said, forehead creased in concentration as he worked out a problem on a sheet of paper, "Is the answer -47?"

Gokudera looked incredulous that he'd gotten it right and nodded.

Tsuna just watched the two of them, without making a sound.

"Say, Tsuna," Yamamoto said as he stretched, exhausted after all the math, "Your mom's awfully nice. You're really lucky, you know."

"Oh?" Tsuna was startled by the sudden inclusion of him in their conversation. "A-ah, well, my dad's never home."

"My mom left when I was little," Yamamoto said, shrugging, "So I don't really know what it's like to have a mom."

"O-oh. I see," Tsuna said uncomfortably.

"Idiot! Don't you see you're making him uneasy?" Gokudera scolded.

"Ah, I am? Sorry, Tsuna," the so-called 'baseball idiot' said apologetically, and Tsuna nodded in response.

For some reason, Tsuna found that the three of them meeting at his house after his work had become a daily occurrence. Nana was absolutely delighted, exclaiming about how her 'dear Tsu-kun was finally going out and having fun with friends like he should be!'

A week after their meetings began, Gokudera brought up the question. "Hey, Sawada," he said gruffly, "What do you do after school? Not that I care, of course," he added hastily.

"Ah, I work at a café," Tsuna answered. Even though he'd begun to loosen up around these two, he still found it strange to relax completely.

"A café?" Yamamoto inquired cheerfully. "Which one?"

"Oh, it's the new one two blocks away," Tsuna replied. "You could visit any day after school, really. Just remember to order something, because Lal doesn't like people coming into the café just to sit down and chat."

"The new one? Oh, I remember!" Yamamoto exclaimed. "We'll visit you one day, Tsuna," he promised, and Tsuna smiled gratefully at both of them (even if Gokudera huffed and turned away).

True to his word, Tsuna's two new friends entered the café the next day, with Yamamoto greeting Tsuna with a cheerful 'Yo, Tsuna!'

"Hi, Yamamoto, Gokudera," Tsuna said in return, and Skull, who was on duty today, inspected them from a distance.

"Are these your friends?" the pierced, purple-haired man asked curiously.

"Y-yes," Tsuna said awkwardly, not being used to seeing people with a chain hanging down half their face.

"Hmm," was Skull's vague reply. Tsuna snatched some menus off the shelf and ran over to their table.

"What are you going to order?" he asked. "If you like coffee, you really should order coffee, because Reborn makes absolutely wonderful espresso."

"What did you say about my espresso?" the said man's voice sounded from behind Tsuna, and the brown-haired young man felt chills go down his spine.

"Ah, Reborn!" he gave a fake laugh. "I was j-just praising your coffee-making skills," Tsuna explained, his voice raising in pitch with every word.

"Hmm, I see," Reborn said, before going back into the kitchen and leaving the door swinging ominously behind him.

Tsuna smiled in relief as he turned back to his friends. "So, what would you like to order?" he said, as professionally as he could.

"Was that Reborn?" Yamamoto asked. When Tsuna nodded in response, the baseball player grinned and said, "He has cool sideburns!"

Tsuna thought about the curly sideburns on either side of the fedora-wearing man's face, and reluctantly agreed. "They're certainly unique," he piped up.

Yamamoto was inspecting the menu as Gokudera gave his order of cheesecake and an espresso. "Tsuna," the friendly baseball star said, frowning, "Why do you not have any sushi on this menu?"

"Well, it is a café," Tsuna said, "And most cafés don't have sushi, do they?"

"Well, that's true," Yamamoto agreed, and ordered a chocolate milkshake.

 _Sushi might be a good idea_ , Tsuna thought. _Maybe we can have something like a sushi-day. The problem is, who will make the sushi?_

After his friends received their desserts, Tsuna voiced his thought to Skull, who was idly standing to the side, leaning against the wall and playing with his lip piercings.

"That's a pretty good idea," Skull said. "I dunno, we can just bring it up to Lal later."

Yamamoto and Gokudera left, after Gokudera said stiffly (as he gulped down coffee) that this was indeed fine espresso, and he wouldn't mind coming again for the coffee. Yamamoto reminded Tsuna of their daily meeting at Tsuna's house and they left with a tinkling of chimes.

Lal thought it was a great idea too. "We'll see if we can have Sushi-Day this week," she said. "I'll have the advertising poster ready by tomorrow. Find someone who makes good sushi, okay?"

Tsuna agreed, and after fifteen minutes, his work shift ended and he rushed out of the café.

During the unusually silent study session, Tsuna brought up the topic. "Do you know anyone who can make good sushi?" he asked. "We've been thinking of having a Sushi-Day. I thought it'd be a good idea after you said something about not having sushi on the menu, Yamamoto."

"My father makes great sushi!" Yamamoto said excitedly. "He owns Takesushi," Yamamoto explained.

"Takesushi?" Tsuna gasped, realizing that it was in fact the best sushi restaurant in Namimori.

"Idiot, you make good sushi," Gokudera reminded Yamamoto with a scowl.

"Oh yeah, I'm Dad's apprentice," Yamamoto informed a gaping Tsuna. "I can come help out with the sushi!"

"Really? Thanks, Yamamoto!" Tsuna brightened up. "Oh, and Yamamoto," he said nervously, "Could you be the sushi chef, then? Lal will pay you and everything, I'm sure!" he added, afraid that Yamamoto would refuse.

Yamamoto was disturbingly expressionless for a moment until his face broke out in his classic grin and he agreed enthusiastically.

Tsuna breathed in relief and excused himself to rush off and call Lal Mirch.

"That was fast, Sawada," she said, giving one of her rare praises. "And the apprentice of Takesushi, too! Great job," the military woman said, before abruptly hanging up.

"When can you come to the café, Yamamoto?" Tsuna asked anxiously. "It should be a weekend. If you call Lal Mirch, she'd be willing to negotiate terms with you."

"Is Saturday okay?" Yamamoto inquired. "I have a game on Sunday to play in."

"Ah, sure, Saturday," Tsuna said happily, and collapsed onto his bed, tired out. "Today was horrible," he complained. "The gym teacher made us run so far!"

"It was only four hundred meters, Tsuna. And I'm sure you didn't do that bad, maybe you're feeling a little under the weather today?" Yamamoto said consolingly.

"I wish it was like that," Tsuna said miserably. "But I get this tired every day on a regular basis."

"Oh, I see," Yamamoto said, before returning to his homework. Tsuna decided to do the same, and grabbed his backpack, as Gokudera napped on the floor.

(Because Gokudera was the type of genius who could finish his homework in the few minutes before class and get everything right.)

Saturday was a full day of work for Tsuna, though he thought he might be able to bear it since Yamamoto would be working as well.

By the time Tsuna arrived at Café Munio in his work shirt and jeans, Yamamoto was already there.

"The old man was ecstatic at me being able to get a temporary job," Yamamoto explained, "So he sent me here really early with everything. You have such high-quality tuna," he continued admiringly.

"Oh?" Tsuna couldn't tell the difference between ordinary, supermarket tuna and high-quality tuna even if it was a matter of life or death, so he settled for that simple answer.

"Well then," Yamamoto beamed, rolling up his sleeves, "Should I get started?"

Lal had put up posters everywhere in Namimori, and customers came pouring in at the promise of slightly cheaper, Takesushi-standard sushi. Yamamoto's dad had called once, complaining that they'd taken away all his business, but the laughing before he hung up showed that he thought everything was terribly funny.

(Yamamoto later told Tsuna that it was because the old man was now certain that Yamamoto would be able to take over the shop with no problem.)

To both of their surprise, a blushing red and stuttering Gokudera had showed up as well, insisting that it didn't matter what idiot was making it, sushi was sushi and this was mighty good sushi at that.

Yamamoto had a very busy day, but Tsuna, Colonello, and Skull were equally tired out at the amount of running around they had to do in order to serve all the customers.

Profits were a lot greater than Lal had previously anticipated, and she promptly decided that Sushi-Days would be more frequent in the future.

At the end of the day, Gokudera was waiting for both of them in Tsuna's bedroom, already seated around the small table and busily completing his calculus homework.

"What took both of you so long?" he said grumpily, but Tsuna took that to mean that he'd missed them.


	6. Chapter 6

**I realized that not everyone might like yaoi (thanks to a guest reviewer), so I've decided to post a second, only-friendship based fanfic on this account as well. So, if you'd rather not read yaoi, you can switch to that story instead! It's named 'Café Munio: The Friendship Edition' and really, it's probably the least imaginative title I could have possibly come up with. Actually, if people like that title, I might change this Café Munio to 'Café Munio: The Yaoi Edition.' Am I joking? I'm not sure myself.**

 **Anyway, thanks and kudos to the four new reviewers: x3, suzie, Guest and… well, Guest.**

Café Munio: Chapter 6

Sunday was a regular, no-sushi day, and Tsuna was finally able to appreciate the calmness of the quaint little café. Thank goodness he didn't work at those really popular restaurants that had a whole butt-load of customers every hour.

Thinking back on it, the Vietnamese restaurant had had a lot of customers, too…

Tsuna was dozing away at the counter when the chimes tinkled and he looked up lazily, blinking at the blurry shape of a blue-haired man came into view.

Actually, it wasn't just a man. There were three people behind him, too—one girl and two boys, all about Tsuna's own age, maybe a bit older. Hibari's age, perhaps?

Tsuna subconsciously compared the man's hairstyle to that of a spiky pineapple, and decided that it did fit him rather well. He was also holding a very shiny, sharp three-pronged… thing.

Surprisingly, the girl with the eye patch had the same hairstyle and the same odd color of hair. Tsuna noticed with a shiver that the man had heterochromatic eyes, one red, and one blue.

The third one had dirty blonde hair and a strange scar or burn across his nose. Tsuna thought he looked rather…. feral.

Even though the creepy-looking guy was pretty scary, this last person unnerved Tsuna the most. He wore glasses that were so thick you couldn't see his eyes, and a beanie. But the thing was, he didn't show any trace of emotion on his face, at all.

He looked like very advanced, realistic human robot.

Tsuna fumbled with the menus and took little baby steps towards their table. "E-er, excuse me," the brunette said hesitantly, "Would you like to order?"

The group appeared not to have heard him as they continued muttering in low voices.

"Check the prison securities," the pineapple was saying, "And Chikusa, you're in charge of planning."

"I want to help, too!" the spiky blonde raged. "It's not fair! That bastard always gets all the credit!"

"It's okay, Ken," the girl said in a soft, almost indecipherable voice. "You get all the credit for actually breaking in," she continued.

"Humph, your opinion doesn't matter anyway!" the blonde said harshly, and Tsuna winced.

"Excuse me," he said again, louder. "Would you like to order?"

The other three jumped as the pineapple smirked, getting up from his chair and pushing it back with a screech. "I don't need anything to eat," he said smoothly. "I'll be leaving now."

"Mukuro-sama!" the girl cried.

Tsuna mentally rolled his eyes, but immediately felt kind of bad as he didn't know anything about of either of them.

He was so absorbed in wondering how to feel about this prison-break group that he almost didn't notice the man fading into mist outside the shop.

Almost being the key word.

The trio seemed gloomy after the man had disappeared (literally), while Tsuna could only stare with his jaw hanging wide open.

This was the second person he'd seen disappear in less than two weeks. Had disappearing people always been this common in Namimori?

There was a kind of purple mist hanging around the area where the man had mysteriously vanished into thin air, but even that was slowly dissipating.

"I don't want to eat anything," the blonde guy—Ken, as the girl had called him—growled, standing up suddenly and sending the chair clattering to the floor.

"I'm not hungry," the boy with the beanie, Chikusa, said in a monotone. "Let's leave, Ken." The two exited the shop without any further disruption and soon, only the girl was left.

"E-excuse me," Tsuna said, approaching her, "Would you like to order…" he asked, but trailed off when she squeaked in surprise and quickly ran out of the shop.

"….anything?" he ended, confused.

Huh. It was the first time Tsuna had ever met anyone who was shyer than he was.

"They didn't order anything, hey?" Colonello asked, coming out from the back room. "That's disappointing."

"I think…" Tsuna shook his head in bewilderment. "I think they said something about a… prison?"

"Oh?" Colonello suddenly looked alert. "Who just came in?"

"A… a pineapple, his younger sister, a man called Ken, and a man called…" Tsuna thought for a bit, finding that he'd already begun to forget their names. "I think his name was Chikusa."

"Oh. Well thanks for telling me that, Tsuna!" Colonello grinned, before turning back to the room and muttering something about 'warning the Vindice.'

That went fairly well, considering that the first customers had actually damaged the floor. Tsuna had been on his guard, intuition buzzing, the second that three-pronged weapon had entered the shop, but the man had left without incident.

For some reason, a majority of the customers who entered all had a rather dangerous aura all around them. That even included Tsuna's co-workers, and the peaceful Fon. They always seemed to be aware of everything, even in the kitchen or when they wiped windows.

Tsuna was fairly sure that there was something he didn't know, but it was probably safer for him if he didn't meddle around in things that didn't concern him.

He leaned against an orange wall, and soon drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

The sun was almost set and stars were beginning to appear in the darkening sky when Tsuna was rudely awoken by the feel of several ice cubes thrown into the back of his shirt.

His eyes snapped open and he pitched forward with a yowl as the ice cubes left a steaming cold trail down his back.

"Get them out! Get them out!" Tsuna howled, and only after thrashing around for a full ten seconds was he able to shake out all three ice cubes.

Tsuna collapsed onto a table as a low chuckling could be heard behind him, and he whipped his head around to glare at the deeply amused man and his equally amused chameleon.

"Reborn!" he whined. "Why did you do that?" The man shrugged, and the setting sun cast a dark shadow against the brim of his fedora so his eyes couldn't be seen.

"You were sleeping," Reborn said simply, "And if you didn't wake up, the café would close and you'd be stuck in here for the whole night."

Then, on purpose, he added, "Who knows? I might lock myself in here with you," raising his eyebrows slightly as Tsuna turned red.

"D-don't do that," Tsuna complained, embarrassed. He checked his watch and found that his shift was over—in fact, it had been over then minutes ago. "Oh no, I have to meet with Yamamoto and Gokudera!"

With that, Tsuna slung his backpack over a shoulder and sprinted down the lane to his house.

Nana had already let both of them in, since they were regular visitors to Tsuna's home. Strangely, they'd even begun to have breakfast there, and now there were four breakfast portions on the table every Monday and Wednesday.

Life had taken a drastic turn for Tsuna, and he wasn't sure if he liked it or not.

Both of them had almost finished all their homework when Tsuna set his backpack down and joined them at the little table.

"Ah, this is better," he sighed contentedly. "There were so many weird people at the café today!" Tsuna exclaimed.

"I don't care," Gokudera snorted. Yamamoto, however, showed some interest in the topic.

"Really, Tsuna? What happened?"

"There were four people, and I think they were planning some sort of prison break," Tsuna informed them.

"Prison break?" Yamamoto looked alarmed. "You shouldn't get involved with that kind of people, Tsuna. Plus, if they were convicts," here he frowned, "Why would they be at a café? Anyone could find them there."

This was a good point, and soon the three of them had abandoned homework and were discussing Tsuna's new customers at the café.

It was only two hours later that they managed to finish their homework, so Yamamoto and Gokudera left. Tsuna could hear Yamamoto in the distance, offering to walk Gokudera home, and Gokudera's embarrassed shouts in return and insistent declarations that he could walk home by himself.

The two rounded a corner and Tsuna could no longer see them, so he reentered his house and sat down to try and scribble some answers onto his worksheet.

This task proved impossible, and Tsuna soon gave up, deciding instead to get ready for bed and leave all the homework for tomorrow.

The following Monday did _not_ dawn bright and early at all. In fact, it stayed dark throughout the entire school day, and when Tsuna trudged to work after school, there were faint winds moaning through the trees.

Tsuna's only two friends had come to visit him and were sitting in their usual spot when the winds began to pick up, sending leaves swirling all over the stone pavement.

They were making small talk about nothing much in particular when the sounds of rain tapping against glass could be heard, and a sudden flash of lightning startled Tsuna so much that he jumped right into the (probably waiting) arms of Reborn.

"I think it's a typhoon," Reborn announced in a bored tone. The thunder rumbled ominously just as the chimes tinkled and a wet Hibari staggered into the café, his normally neat and impeccable hair in vicious disarray and sticking out at strange angles.

The human Satan on Namimori strode over to a table and sat down wordlessly, hanging his dripping jacket over the back of the wooden chair.

"Seeking shelter from the storm, I see?" Colonello said, giving Hibari his menu.

Hibari chose not to answer, and ordered his usual: waffles with green tea ice cream, and a cup of black coffee.

Tsuna could feel the tension in the room, and just when he was about to think that it _couldn't possibly get any worse_ , the chimes tinkled again, and in came a sopping wet Squalo.

"Voi!" he shouted in anger. "Just my luck! A typhoon on the day of my mission! Why does no one else get typhoons on their missions?! Huh? Huh?!" he ranted, long white hair whipping around with such ferocity as to actually knock down a potted plant.

"I'm afraid I don't know," Colonello said pleasantly, leading him to a table, "But we have extra towels in the back room. Would anyone like one?" he asked, addressing the entire room. "Oh well, I'll get two just in case."

Tsuna watched in horror as Squalo sat down grumpily in one of the chairs. He unlaced his black boots and unbuttoned a few buttons of his black jacket, showing a white dress shirt.

"Thank heavens this stupid coat is waterproof," the white haired man muttered. "My hair though… my hair…" Squalo moaned at the fate of his soaked and tangled white hair.

It was certainly unique, though.

The chimes sounded for the third time in this horrible evening, and Irie Shoichi stumbled in, bending over a sleek black laptop that was clutched tightly to his chest.

"H-hi, Tsuna," he said, smiling weakly at the brunette.

"Ah, are you okay?" Tsuna asked, hurrying over with one of the towels that Colonello had placed on the counter.

"I should be fine in a bit," the red-haired mechanic answered, sitting down at a table. "I tend to get stomachaches when I'm panicked," he explained, "And being the the rain and storm with my laptop definitely made me panicked. It has all of my inventions on it!"

"Oh, I see," Tsuna said, not really getting it. "Do you need anything to drink?"

"One cup of hot milk tea, please," Irie smiled, sitting up straighter. "Ah, my stomachache is going away already!"

Tsuna hurried to the kitchen and gave Fon the order. He'd just turned and relaxed against the table when the chimes tinkled and another two customers entered.

"VOI!" Squalo roared. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, BRATS? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN GODDAMN TRANSYLVANIA!"

"Fake prince-senpai was worried about you."

"What? I was not! Shut up, stupid froggy! Treat the prince with respect!"

Tsuna prayed with all his might that the typhoon might die down soon.


	7. Chapter 7

**Yes, yes, it has been forever, no? All the teachers decided to make everything due on Friday, though, in addition to daily homework, and I've been so busy with school clubs and extracurricular activities and all that that I'm ready to slump over and DIE. Anyway, here's the update! Updates are also going to be a lot slower now.**

Café Munio: Chapter 7

This was a nightmare. There were so many explosive people in one small place that something was bound to happen, and Tsuna watched in a paralyzed state as Bel's knives thudded into the decorated walls and Squalo cut a bouquet of flowers in half.

The shredded yellow chrysanthemums fluttered to the floor, landing noiselessly only to be stirred up again as Fran leapfrogged over the tables in an emotionless attempt to get away from the knife-waving prince.

"VOI, CALM DOWN AND STOP MOVING, YOU GODDAMN BRATS!" Squalo yelled.

Gokudera snarled as he stomped over to the counter. "Do you have an umbrella I can borrow? I'd rather walk home in a raging typhoon than deal with this idiot bunch!"

"Ah, well, it can't be that bad, can it, Gokudera?" Yamamoto asked reassuringly. _Not that bad?_ Tsuna thought in dread. _Bad is a huge understatement!_

"You're crowding." The cold eyes of the demon glared at everyone as the said man pushed back his chair and stood up, tonfas flashing as they assumed a defensive position. "I'll bite you to death."

"H-Hibari-san!" Tsuna looked horrified. It hadn't even been ten minutes! At this rate, the shop would be demolished at… Tsuna did frantic mental calculation. It was 5:45 PM at the moment, so if one tenth of the shop was destroyed every twenty minutes, they'd only have shelter until 9:05 PM!

Tsuna shivered. He heavily doubted that he'd be able to break up any fight that happened in here, so his safest bet would be to find the most stable corner, curl up there, and not wake up until the typhoon was over.

Unfortunately, that wasn't going to happen. While Tsuna was figuring out the mental math, Fran was leapfrogging his way over the quaint round tables, humming an unconcerned tune as Bel's deadly sharp knives embedded themselves in his frog had and went whistling past his ear to hit whatever unfortunate object they were headed for.

"Bel-senpai, you missed," Fran pointed out monotonously. "You need to improve you aim, fake-prince senpai," he added, and winced as knives sailed towards him.

"Shut up, brat," Bel hissed, annoyed. "If you'd stop moving…!"

"Bel-senpai can't hit a moving target," Fran said in a bored tone. "What a good song idea. Be-l sen-pai! Can't hit a moving tar-get!" he sang, clapping his hands sarcastically. "Would you like an encore, fake prince-senpai?" he inquired.

Bel growled as he stepped on top of a table in one fluid motion and said menacingly, "Oh, that is it, brat!" He cocked his wrist as Fran increased his leapfrogging speed.

The knives missed Fran by less than a millimeter and shrieked past to tear through Tsuna's shirt, the momentum tugging him into a wall and pinning him there.

Tsuna blinked in shock as his back collided with the cold wall and his head jerked back, hitting that wall with a thunk. _It's definitely going to bruise in the morning_ , Tsuna thought miserably.

Meanwhile, all the attention in the shop had been diverted to the now trapped Tsuna, and the brunette finally realized what a bad situation he was in. "Oh, no," he mumbled. "Help me…" he prayed to whichever god who might be listening, but no help came.

So Tsuna did the only thing that he could possibly do in this situation. He began to struggle.

It didn't help though, since the knives were embedded straight up to the hilt in he wall and Tsuna's now ripped shirt just had to be caught in the immeasurable space in which the blade connected to the hilt, which was also the place where the blade turned blunt.

Why was it blunt, anyway? Bel loved his knives—every part of the blade had to be wickedly sharp, didn't it?

But fate wanted to play a cruel joke on Tsuna, and so she let this particular batch of knives be the old ones that Bel had been meaning to throw away.

Tsuna was so engrossed in trying to get unstuck to the wall that he didn't notice the hungry gaze directed at him from across the room.

It belonged to the carnivore himself—said carnivore hadn't forgotten the incident involving the fallen menu yet.

After all, Tsuna did look sinfully (and accidentally) seductive at the moment.

Hibari took two steps and he was across the room in a second and behind the counter in another, as Tsuna's face adopted a terrified expression as the most dangerous person in the room came within a meter's distance from him.

He began to struggle even more and felt his heartbeat accelerate a little as one of the knives loosened and fell with a thunk onto the floor.

To Tsuna's immense surprise, Hibari bean to help him pick out the knives as well. Once all the knives were plucked out and Tsuna was free of restraint, he sighed and said gratefully, "Thank you, Hibari-san!"

But Tsuna's joy was not to last. (It never was.)

Once all the knives were gone, Hibari crushed them and dropped them with little clinks onto the counter.

"Ah, I-I'll go now," Tsuna said nervously as he edged towards the door leading to the back room.

In a flash, a tonfa was near his neck and near enough that it pressed gently against his throat. The pressure wasn't enough to cut off his breathing, but enough to restrict any forwards movement.

"S-so, do you w-want me to stay, H-Hibari-san?" Tsuna gulped, before finding himself pinned to the wall with his arms above his head for the second time in a minute.

The neatly combed black hair of the ex-Disciplinary Committee leader brushed against Tsuna's forehead as their foreheads touched and Tsuna found himself gazing straight at a pair of ice blue eyes.

There wasn't a chance that he'd be able to overpower the domineering man, and Tsuna was certain that even if he managed to escape, he'd always be caught in the end. And there would be punishment to deal with.

It was just safer and less threatening to Tsuna's health if he didn't resist.

Tsuna subconsciously noticed a violently making out Fran and Belphegor over one of the tables in the background. The key word being _violently_.

Hibari's mouth was moving down to Tsuna's neck as Tsuna began to panic internally when the back door opened, and Tsuna saw a black and orange fedora out of the corner of his eye.

The smooth steps paused as the man took in the situation in the café and when his eyes landed on the pinned Tsuna, he walked over and said coldly, "I'd appreciate it if you do not… ahem… _sexually harass_ our café workers, or we'll be forced to kick you out."

Hibari paused and Tsuna mentally sighed in relief. He wasn't ready for this, dammit!

"I see," Hibari said slowly, and Tsuna stopped breathing for a moment when he recognized the ex-prefect's dangerous tone. "And how will you kick me out, exactly?"

He had a point.

But Reborn was prepared as he held up a small yellow bird, perched in a cage. "With this," he answered. "Your bird—Hibird, was it?—is being held hostage."

Tsuna swore he could see Hibari's eyes widen for the smallest fraction before thinning into slits. He let go of the brunette's wrists, as the blood came rushing back into Tsuna's arms.

"Very well." And the ex-prefect stalked away.

"Right, Tsuna," Reborn said, the look in his eyes promising painful, never-ending torture, "Let's have a _chat_ in the back room, shall we?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you to all the reviewers! Your support makes me cry—in happiness, of course. And where did we leave off…? Oh yes, Reborn just saved Tsuna.**

 **Oh, and by the way, to the user** _ **Mordacious Moratorium**_ **: I love your username! Does it mean something special?**

Café Munio: Chapter 8

Tsuna was dead.

Metaphorically, of course. It didn't take much to reduce him to a mentally dead state these days—it had started ever since he began working at this blasted café.

Reborn was among the many things and people who could reduce him to a mentally and probably also physically incapable state, and here Tsuna realized that Reborn was angry.

Oh, he didn't look angry, but truly scary people didn't need words or expressions to seem angry. They just _were_.

It was a bad time for Tsuna to be alive.

The duo left the unimaginable events happening in the café behind as they entered the back room, and Reborn closed the door. He didn't lock it, because everyone saw Reborn enter the room, and everybody knocked if Reborn was in a room, regardless if the door was open or closed.

Tsuna vaguely noticed everyone shying away from the violently making out couple on a table as the door closed silently, which was unnerving.

In the books Tsuna read, doors always closed 'with an ominous click' when something bad was about to happen, but silent doors were even scarier.

It was even scarier due to the fact that the door closed with a click for _everyone else_. It seemed to be too scared of Reborn to make noise when closing.

Did Reborn strike fear even into inanimate objects?

Tsuna decided not to dwell too much on that subject and instead focus on the situation at hand.

Reborn had walked around the polished desk to the leather armchair and sat down. "Well?" He raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to sit?"

Tsuna hurried over to the cushioned chair in front of the desk, but Reborn quickly _tsked_ and said, "No, not there, stupid. Here." And he gestured to his lap. Tsuna's face erupted in a flaming red, and he internally debated whether it would be a better idea to sit down and pretend he hadn't heard that, or walk over and sit.

"Are you going to run away?" Reborn had an amused smirk on his face (that sadist) that told Tsuna he knew exactly what Tsuna had thought.

He needed to learn how to cover up his emotions.

"Uh, no," Tsuna said, shivering a little as he stumbled past the desk and sat down where he was supposed to sit, trying not to look at anything.

"That's better, isn't it, Tsuna?"

"Yes?"

Lean arms circled around Tsuna's waist and pulled just tight enough to seem threatening, but not hurt him.

An observer from further away would see is as an affectionate gesture; someone closer would notice that Tsuna didn't seem to be breathing.

"What did you say?"

"Y-yes," Tsuna managed, because it was slightly hard to take when someone was squashing your stomach and the general area where your lungs were.

"That's better. Now, as I said, we need to have a small chat about what happened earlier."

"You mean with Hibari-san?"

"Yes." Reborn sounded distasteful, and it showed.

"O-oh. It was nothing, really," Tsuna tried. It didn't work, so he tried a different tactic. "I'm sure it won't happen again!"

"It shouldn't," Reborn's voice was dark, and boded nothing well for the said tonfa-wielding menace.

"A-ah, I'm sure it won't."

"If it does happen again, I'll blame it on you, Tsuna."

And that was the end of the small 'chat.' Twenty simple sentences, eighty-three words in three minutes and Tsuna basically had a death sentence.

Tsuna exited the room to see Hibari in the usual corner, Belphegor and Fran making out with vigor on a table, both without shirts, Yamamoto who was busily hanging a curtain around said couple and somehow managing not to look, Gokudera looking out the window and ignoring said baseball player, and Squalo who was chopping up onions in the air with his sword.

The swordsman stood by the counter and paid no mind to how the perfectly sliced onions landed on the counter in various perfect shapes and forms. He was scowling as he muttered something under his breath, "…must have destroyed half the mansion… damn boss… useless bastard…goddamned idiots…stupid paperwork…"

But he did so in Italian, and Tsuna didn't understand a word.

Fon was collecting the sliced vegetables on platters, looking pleased as he passed them through the kitchen window to Verde and placed a new platter on the counter at the same time. Verde stored everything in a huge fridge as he retrieved more platters from a cabinet.

Tsuna noticed the racks and racks of vegetables, and inspiration struck. (He asked Lal about it, and thus was how Create Your Own Meal Day came into being.)

"Yo, Tsuna!" Yamamoto finished curtaining off the—area—from public view and walked over to watch Squalo slice vegetables with a kind of ferocity you rarely saw in anything except… well, Squalo.

"I guess the typhoon hasn't stopped, huh?" Tsuna said weakly, sitting down on a chair and curling his legs up.

"Nope! If anything, I think it's worsened," Yamamoto informed him cheerily. "Oh, and Shoichi-kun is building something really cool over there!"

"Irie…? Oh!" The engineer had been so quiet that Tsuna hadn't noticed him when he first came out of the room. He panned his gaze across the café, so see the red-head in one of the corners, tinkering with something. "I wonder what he's making?"

"It flies!" the baseball player grinned, "Shoichi-kun tested it out just now. It has these awesome rotating blades! I think that he said it was 'for the café,' or something."

"I guess I should check if it's dangerous, just in case," Tsuna said with a sigh, and made his way over to the little corner. "Shoichi-kun?"

Naturally, the engineer didn't answer. Tsuna tried again, "Shoichi-kun?"

There was no response, so Tsuna thought, _well, drastic times take drastic measures, or something like that_.

Tsuna picked up the lid of a pot, which had somehow made its way onto one of the café's tables, and a spoon, took a deep breath, and banged the two together while bellowing, "SHOICHI-KUN!"

The red-head nearly jumped out of his seat and spun around to throw the hammer he was holding straight at Tsuna.

Unfortunately for the brunette, Shoichi had extremely good aim, and the hammer collided straight with his nose and sent him reeling back into a table, yelling in pain.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Tsuna-kun! I was… a bit startled," Shoichi said sheepishly, kneeling down to help Tsuna back to his feet. "I hope your nose is okay."

"Y-yeah, it's fine," Tsuna said, wincing, as he massaged his nose tenderly. "O-ow…"

"Did you need something, Tsuna-kun?"

"A-ah, I was just coming over to check what you were building," Tsuna explained.

"Oh! This is one of my new inventions! The typhoon was probably going to last quite a bit," Tsuna groaned internally at this, "So I decided to build something that would be beneficial to the café, as thanks for letting me stay here for the duration of the storm."

"Oh?" Tsuna asked, intrigued. "What does it do?"

"So far it does a mixture of all sorts of different things, like blending, heating up, or creating swirls for cupcakes or ice cream," Shoichi listed, "It's kind of like Spanner's mini Mosca."

"What's a mini Mosca?"

"I forgot you've never seen it! It's the cutest machine, really. Perhaps I'll be able to persuade Spanner to bring mini Mosca here one day."

"That'd be nice, thank you."

Once he was certain that the machine was relatively harmless (or as harmless as something that could chop, blend, and grate _at the same time_ could be), Tsuna left the engineer to his own business and went back to the counter.

"It's quite cute, hey?" Colonello said from where he was waiting, lazily stirring a cup of coffee. "One of Verde's 'unacceptable' creations," he explained, noticing Tsuna's confused gaze. "Perfectly fine for us normal folk, but way below Reborn's standards. He deemed it suitable for someone like me to drink."

"Ouch," Tsuna said sympathetically. "Reborn definitely has his own brand of insults."

"Definitely," Colonello agreed. "Ah, that light needs fixing!" He grabbed a toolbox and jogged over to one of the decorative lights on the walls, which had blinked unsteadily a few times and gone out.

"Let me see," the blonde muttered under his breath, just as all the lights flickered and died. The café was instantly plunged into darkness, and the streetlights outside went out as well.

"Power shortage!" Colonello announced. "We'll be bringing out the glow sticks."

"Shouldn't we be using candles? Glow sticks don't really light up anything, do they?" Tsuna whispered as Colonello passed by.

"Ah, we would have on a normal occasion, but it's a bit risky around these guys, isn't it?" Colonello whispered that with a soft chuckle.

"Glow sticks!" Yamamoto whooped as Colonello set an entire box of a hundred differently colored glow sticks on a table.

Glow sticks were addicting stuff. There was something immeasurably interesting about sticks of colored light that just glowed, and soon everyone, even Hibari, found themselves outfitted in multiple glow sticks.

"Oooh, the prince likes this one," Belphegor cackled, waving an abnormally long green glow stick around. He looped it through his belt loops as a very bright belt, and grinned as he hopped onto a table. "The prince rules all!" he announced.

Fran set a blue tiara onto his head. "The prince rules all of nothing," he said.

"Why, you…! Take that off at once! The prince doesn't allow a lowly peasant to wear a tiara grander than his own!"

And here Tsuna thought the prince's tiara was made of real diamonds… but he himself would prefer a glowing blue circle over something valuable any day. _I'd change colors every day_ , Tsuna mused to himself. Maybe there'll be glow-in-the-dark royal shoes?

Everyone knew then that Reborn had exited the back room, because firstly, there was a sudden cold presence in the room. Secondly, they noticed the glowing strip of orange around his fedora.

"Reborn! Your hat glows in the dark?" Tsuna asked in amazement.

"Only this one," he smirked.

"My bandana glows, too!" Colonello added, and then everyone noticed the strip of dark green around his head.

"Ha, look at this!" Yamamoto exclaimed, dragging something out of the half-empty box.

"Coo-oo-ool." It was a flat, ten-meter-long strip of glowing ribbon, with differently colored sections.

"Let's tie it into knots!"

"Let's string it around the café!"

"Let's wrap Tsuna in it!"

Strangely, everyone immediately agreed to the last one.

"W-what? Why me?!"

* * *

It didn't take a long time, because it was eight to one after all. "Mmph!" Tsuna protested angrily, as the glowing ribbon was long enough to make him look like a walking lightbulb.

"Let's take a picture," someone suggested, and they assembled around Tsuna as Colonello arranged the camera stand.

It blinked for ten seconds before the shutter clicked, taking dozens of photos.

Everyone rushed to the camera, but Reborn was the first there and everyone settled for peering over his shoulder as they scrolled through the pictures.

"Haha, you can't see any of us!"

"Tsuna outshines even the prince! Not fair!"

"Fake prince-senpai's teeth glow in the dark."

"Ah, I'll post this on my blog! What do you think should be the title?"

"Tch."

The group oohed and aahed over the photos, giving their own opinion every once in a while, as Tsuna struggled to get out of the glowing ribbon.

* * *

The storm lasted all the way until morning. By that time, everyone was asleep, slumped over chairs, on tables, or on the floor. The morning sun dawned bright and early, too bright and too early, and the first to wake up was Reborn, but nobody noticed him sleeping in the first place. That meant the first person to actually wake up was Colonello.

"RISE AND SHINE, YOU LAZY HEAPS OF BONES!" he roared, taking great pleasure in watching everyone bolt up.

"WHAT DO THINK YOU'RE DOING, BASTARD?!"

"WHO ARE YOU TO WAKE THE PRINCE HIMSELF, DIRTY COMMONER?!"

"It's far too early to be up."

" _ **VOIII! YOU LITTLE BRAT!"**_

 **(The author felt the need to put this in bold and italics in order to emphasize the fact that it was louder, louder than all the others.)**

*Unintelligible garbles*

"Mmph," Tsuna complained.

That brought everyone's attention over to him, and Yamamoto said in surprise, "The ribbon's still glowing!"

"Mmph mm mmmmMM mm!" That would have translated to "Get me out of here, you idiots!" except there was no way of understanding.

Tsuna was frustrated, to say the least.

* * *

The typhoon was over, but Fon had offered free breakfast, so everyone stayed.

"We have cream or chocolate filled croissants," the Chinese chef said pleasantly, "But we also have miso soup, rice, and tamagoyaki, which is rolled omelet."

"Tamagoyaki?" Fran mused tonelessly. "I'd like that, please."

"Tsuna's mama makes the best omelets!" Yamamoto said with a cheery, if slightly sleep deprived, grin.

"Mm mm mmph," Tsuna agreed, which would have been 'that she does,' if the ribbon wasn't still there.

"How good are your croissants?" Belphegor asked brashly. "The prince demands a good breakfast for his royal appetite, in compensation for his lost sleep!"

"Oh, we have good croissants," and with that Fon set a basket down on the table. "Your omelet will be ready in a few minutes."

Belphegor grabbed a croissant and stuffed it in his mouth.

"Well, how is it?" Fon inquired.

Belphegor said nothing.

"I'll pay your compliments to the chef," Fon said briskly in that ever-calm tone of his, then walked away.

Belphegor snatched the whole basket.

Breakfast was a wonderful affair, and Fon sent Tsuna a wink that indicated he had saved some for the poor boy—who was still tied up in the glowing ribbon.

Shoichi noticed this. "Uh, guys, I think we should help Tsuna-kun out of the ribbon. Sorry, Tsuna-kun, I forgot about your situation!"

Tsuna tried to shrug.

Shoichi undid the knot, and the rest of the ribbon unraveled easily.

"Ah, that's better," Tsuna sighed, voice slightly raspy from hours of silence. "O-ow, my shoulder!"

"Terribly sorry, Tsuna-kun," Shoichi apologized, before checking his phone. "Ah! The internet's up again! Spanner needs something at the workshop—I've got to go! Bye, Tsuna-kun!"

The three Varia members were long since gone. Squalo had left after breakfast (he had insisted to pay, because he was that type of person, and a good, respectable one at that), and dragged the other two with him by their expensive tailor-made collars. He stormed out of the door, muttering in Italian again about 'management problems, bastard of a boss, and Varia Quality, my ass!'

But it was in Italian, so Tsuna didn't understand a word.

* * *

Saturday was the day of the scheduled Create Your Own Meal Day that Tsuna had thought of, and informed Lal about.

"Be early!" she barked. "Or else…."

Hanging threats were the worst kind of threats, especially when they came from a person who could probably—no, definitely—carry out those threats.

The posters that Lal had somehow managed to whip up in a day were put all over the town. People would be provided with seaweed (if they wanted to make sushi), cutlery, cutters with fancy shapes (if they wanted carrots in the shape of rabbits and the like), and lots of different foods.

The staff was to arrive early to set up everything.

Tsuna gaped at how the regular round tables had been swapped out in favor of long wooden tables and benches, and when he asked Colonello about where the old tables had gone, he laughed and said, "Only Lal knows."

Yamamoto had offered to come and teach people how to make sushi! That was probably why there was a sudden influx of customers, and a lot of little kids. Their parents probably hoped that their little angels would be able to grow up and become an aspiring sushi chef, and make a lot of money (some of which would be transferred to their parents, given their retirement).

Yeah, it was a good plan.

Tsuna waited at the side and checked for fallen cutlery as Yamamoto enthusiastically demonstrated from the counter how to properly wrap sushi.

It was a success! People came to make breakfast, lunch, dinner and even afternoon tea. Tsuna paid attention during some of the demonstrations, because Fon was teaching how to make good crepe and crepe was one of the few things Tsuna wouldn't mess up while making.

By the end of the day, Tsuna had picked up thirteen fallen cutlery, wiped the tables twenty-seven times, cut up seventy-two vegetables, and slipped three times while mopping the floor.

"We should have a Create Your Own Meal Day more often," Lal said thoughtfully. "Another one of your ideas. Great job, Sawada!"

And the following weeks passed without major incident.


	9. Chapter 9

**While I wait for your replies on WHO DO YOU WANT TSUNA TO MEET NEXT/WHAT DO YOU WANT TO HAPPEN (unfortunately, I have not read the manga, so I'm not very familiar with Enma and his guardians) here's a kind-of omake on how the café began!**

 **Reborn, Colonello, Viper, Skull, Fon, Verde, Yuni, Lal Mirch.**

* * *

Café Munio: How It All Began

The Strongest Seven were living together in the same old house, and relationships were strained. It didn't take an experienced person to notice the tension in the worn house, and all its inhabitants generally avoided each other at all costs.

Viper was meditating in her room, floating in the air. It was a daily practice of hers, since meditating helped her settle into the real world and calm her thoughts. Being such a strong Mist user had its effects on a person, and if there was one thing Viper was afraid of, it was losing her grip on reality.

Someone knocked on the door. "It's dinnertime, isn't it?" she called out, and she took the silence as a yes.

This was how it worked in the Arcobaleno household. It was an unspoken rule that you did not disturb any other with loud noise. They didn't need words to understand what to do.

Being highly observant individuals, they knew practically everything that went on, what would happen, and always knew how to react.

Or at least they thought so.

Fon had cooked dinner. He and surprisingly, Verde, could cook very well. Other than training in martial arts, the Storm Arcobaleno had taken up the hobby of cooking as well. His area of expertise wasn't limited to Chinese cuisine—by now, he would be considered an international chef and knew recipes from every country on Earth.

The other Arcobalenos mostly welcomed the different meals, but they were less appreciative when Fon tried to serve them fried cow brain sandwiches or yak penis.

But they couldn't deny that the Chinese martial artist was a very good cook.

Today, thankfully, Fon had stuck to normal food (as normal as it could get anyway) and had made beef stroganoff, accompanied with fine wine and the Arcobaleno allowed themselves to relax at the table (or as much as they could relax, anyway).

And even though all of them were highly accomplished individuals, the most skilled in their craft and line of work, not one of them predicted what Yuni was going to say next.

"So, everyone," the blue-haired daughter of Aria said brightly, breaking the silence for the first time in three weeks, "What do you think about starting a café?"

* * *

They'd all vehemently disagreed.

"No," Verde spat, wearing a rare expression of utmost horror on his face, "Definitely not."

Yuni just smiled.

There was a short pause, which Skull interrupted by stuttering, "Y-you're serious!" Yuni nodded as she took a gulp of her orange juice—none of the other Arcobaleno would allow their still young Sky to drink wine.

You could see Skull's eyebrows rise from underneath the green visor of his helmet. "B-but that'll never work out!"

"I think it'd be a good experience," Yuni said happily, unfolding a napkin, "Anyway, all of you need to fit back comfortably into your bodies and I think Namimori will be the best place!"

"Isn't Namimori where Iemitsu Sawada's home is?" Reborn asked suspiciously. "This isn't a trap of some sort, is it?"

After all, you could never really tell with Yuni. True, it was impossible for the girl to lie because her eyes were literally big pools of pure emotion, but she did like to give the Arcobaleno surprises. They were never nasty surprises, but they could be a bit… over the top.

"It's not a trap," Yuni looked hurt as she delicately wiped her mouth with the napkin and refolded it perfectly again, "But Namimori is the perfect town! Lots of Mafiosi go there for rests and post-mission relaxation, too."

"I've never heard of Namimori," Fon voiced his opinion, before pausing as something flashed across his eyes. "Actually, it does sound kind of familiar. I think one of my relatives live there," he said, looking across the room at Yuni.

"Yep! It's Hibari Kyouya," the bluenette as she refolded the paper napkin into a swan, and straightened it out again. "I think he's your nephew."

Fon didn't say anything after that.

"There has to be another reason why you chose Namimori," Lal picked up her napkin and folded it into a perfect flower in three seconds flat, "I know there is." Beside her, Skull attacked his beef stroganoff with a fork, which made clinking and dreadful screeching noises once in a while as it hit the plate.

"Well, I've checked the calendar of the Vongola," Yuni said perfectly innocently, "And there're a few events that will be happening in Namimori for the following months. We can open a café and offer it as a temporary refuge for tired Mafiosi!"

"And why are we doing this again?" Colonello demanded. He usually wouldn't be questioning their Sky—they all trusted Yuni to make the best decisions, after all. But Yuni did have a tendency to try and do what's best for everyone in general, and an Arcobaleno café would certainly be the safest place on the planet.

"Is there a reason for grouping and employing the seven strongest individuals in a mere café?" Viper, who was sitting normally in a chair (she used to float above the chair when they were in infant form, because cushions were unstable and one of those tall baby seats simply _did not qualify_ ), asked in that neutral tone of hers.

"Well," Yuni said mysteriously, "I think something's going to happen."

This made all of them sit up straighter and pay more attention. If Yuni felt that something was so important as to gather all the Arcobaleno in a café, it must be serious.

"Also," their little Sky added, jumping out of her chair and daintily brushing off her white cloak, "I think there're some very important people in that small town."

* * *

"Orange," Yuni declared, coloring a wall with an orange color pencil.

"Mirrors here," Lal insisted, taking a blue pen and marking out a series of rectangles along the wall.

"It would look better if there were some mirrors over there, too," Viper agreed, picking up another blue pen and drawing several perfect rectangles.

"Let's use lots of light colored wood!" Yuni suggested cheerily. "And little round tables, with vases of flowers in the middle! The chairs can have curly legs, too!"

"A back room, too," Lal said, adding another room on the gigantic blueprint they had spread out in front of them.

The male half of the Arcobaleno group stood at the back, leaning against the wall and glancing confusedly at each other.

All the females had thrown themselves into decoration and planning, which was slightly surprising (everyone expected Viper to want to look after financial business—she later assured them that yes, she was going to do so, but planning was currently more important), and all the men had to do was fetch a huge roll of paper and stationery.

Even so, being at the back of the room was a dangerous affair. Colonello ducked just in time for the end of a ruler to come whistling through the air and to the other side of the room.

"The line's crooked," Viper's calm voice floated through the room, "Adjust it a bit."

"The line's fine," Lal snapped, scribbling something on the paper. "There, that's the back room."

"I'm so glad everyone agreed to this," Yuni giggled in delight, "I've already rented out the store!"

There was a bout of silence where everyone realized what exactly this meant.

"You… already knew we were going to say yes?" Skull said slowly, earning himself a (admittedly unnecessary) thwack on the back of his helmeted head by Reborn for 'stating the obvious.'

"I didn't think you'd turn it down," Yuni said airily, "Working in a café sounds so fun, doesn't it?"

"I guess so," Skull said doubtfully, and Verde yelped as a ruler hit him on the head.

* * *

"Ooh, I like this!" Yuni danced around happily as Colonello fixed the boards on the floor.

"Why didn't we hire someone to do this, hey?" the blonde grumbled irritably as he crouched over a patch of concrete.

"Because you'd all do a better job than any other worker we could possibly find, of course!" Yuni praised, as she darted around rearranging flowers.

"That's true," Reborn agreed with a smirk as Leon painted the wall a cheery shade of orange. "There, it's done."

"Ooh, it's perfect!" Yuni exclaimed in delight, "At this rate we'll be done in a week!"

There was a muffled thump and the sound of multiple books and files sliding to the floor, and a pained yelp (which was also strangely muffled). "Oh, no," Yuni rushed to the back room's door, "I think that's Skull! Skull, are you okay?" And she disappeared into the back room.

Reborn and Colonello glanced at each other. "There's still half of the floor left to be done," Colonello nodded towards the direction of the planks.

"You do a quarter, I'll do a quarter," Reborn said, already staring towards the pile.

"You can't use Leon!" Colonello quickly said.

"I believe I'll do just fine without."

The two rolled up their sleeves (metaphorically, of course) and began laying out wooden planks at an inhumane speed, which was all very well and perfect until they nearly knocked Lal off her ladder trying to put the last plank in place before the other.

* * *

Lal hummed a tune inside her head as she fixed the hanging lamp. The floor gleamed and shone, though there was a patch with unfinished planks because of the unfortunate incident yesterday.

Colonello was talking to someone outside.

"…need a few extra hands anyway," he was saying, and Lal scoffed. Who was he talking to?

"Do I go inside?"

This new voice nearly made Lal topple off her ladder in shock.

It was undoubtedly the purest and most sincere voice she'd heard in ages, Yuni included (the young girl had seen a lot of the worse side of the world). She was almost tempted to make this new person turn around and go back somewhere else, because he sounded so innocent, so honest that she couldn't bear the thought of the poor boy entering the shop and having his life changed forever.

But it was too late, because the second the brunette entered the shop she couldn't say no.

And before she could object, she found herself saying, "…yes, you do."

The boy—Sawada Tsunayoshi, was it?—left to the back room and Lal realized with a feeling of dread that Reborn was in there.

 _Please don't creep the boy out too much_ , she thought, but it obviously hadn't worked as the boy crept out of the door, shoulders quivering slightly.

Ah, that she could understand. Reborn's gaze did tend to do that to people.


	10. Chapter 10

**The guest reviewer, 83, suggested that Basil, Fuuta, and I-Pin can now be introduced to Tsuna, and it's around (part of) that that I built this chapter!**

 **Unfortunately, my current top priority is not failing math, so updates will be unpredictable from now on.**

 **Remember, this fic doesn't have a specific plot (it's just crack, I guess?), but if you have an idea for something you'd like to happen in the future (I dunno, a rival café arc? ^^ It doesn't have to be café-related, it just has to be somehow connected to this fic) you're free to review and I'll consider. As usual, you're free to request scenes and characters (no lemons though, I can't and won't)!**

 **Apologies for not updating!**

 **And if anyone was insulted or indignant or thought that I copied their idea, I meant absolutely no harm and if you take offense to this story, I'm just going to apologize. However, if you want me to take this story down, it's up to the readers. I promise that I didn't purposely copy anyone's work – in fact, I've seen a few stories with this same idea, and I'm unsure who started it in the first place.**

 **If you recognized any quotes or references, those belong to their various owners. This is the longest author's note I've ever made.**

 **And now I'll stop babbling after my**

 **Disclaimer: KHR does not belong to me.**

* * *

Café Munio: Chapter Nine

"Work at a café, she said," Tsuna grumbled, wiping down the counter with a cloth, "It will be fun, she said."

Tsuna loved his mother, he really did, but she did have the most outrageous ideas at times. Such as the time she thought it'd be a good idea to send him to a DIY backpack-decorating event, where there were only little girls and all the possible decorations were sparkly and disgustingly pastel colored stickers.

He shuddered.

"Slacking off, Sawada!" Using a menu, Lal smacked him firmly on the back of his head.

Tsuna yelped. Lal could hit really hard! "I'm sorry, ma'am!" he apologized, quickly returning to scrubbing the counter until it gleamed. "Ah… I'm done. What do I need to do now?"

"Hmm," Lal inspected the counter, then nodded her head in approval. "Well, since you asked…"

Two hours of window-scrubbing, floor sweeping, light bulb changing, and 8 trips to the grocery store later, Tsuna thoroughly regretted asking that question as he plodded down the street with four bags of groceries hanging off his tired arms.

He pushed open the café door with his back and noticed the chipping sound coming from the back. "Er… What are you doing, Colonello?"

The blonde stood back from where he was hunched over the counter and displayed his work proudly to Tsuna. "So? What do you think of it, hey?"

Tsuna blanched. "Colonello!" he yelped desperately, rushing over to the counter, "What are you doing?!"

"It looks rather nice, don't you think?" Colonello offered, standing back to admire his work.

"Lal's going to kill you for damaging the counter!"

"I think she'll like it, hey," Colonello argued, setting his carving knife down on one of the shop tables.

"I-I mean, it's pretty," Tsuna said, almost hyperventilating—because the diamond-shaped patterns cut into the sides of the marble counter, so that the previously sharp edges turned more round, glinted in the light and were quite pretty if he did say so himself—"but did Lal give you permission?"

"Er, no," Colonello said, sitting onto a table and examining one of the corners. "Don't you think this looks like something you'd see in a hotel, hey?"

"Colonello, there are shavings of marble on the floor," Tsuna decided with the practical approach, "A customer might hurt themselves on that."

"I'll pick that up," Colonello said absentmindedly.

The tinkle of chimes alerted the two to the entrance of someone into the shop.

"Lal!" Colonello said delightedly, as he spun around, "Just in time!"

"What did you d—" Lal began, and Tsuna took the way her words suddenly cut off to mean that she had _seen it_.

"Do you like the counter?" Colonello said eagerly, and Tsuna pitied the poor man.

Lal later confided in the brunette that she did, in fact, like the counter, but Colonello should've asked for permission first anyway!

Tsuna took this to mean she didn't like surprises.

"Welcome!" Tsuna said brightly, looking up as the chimes tinkled.

The customer answered with a meek "Er, hello," and Tsuna looked up in surprise at how soft and innocent the voice sounded.

Well, a customer was a customer. Tsuna supposed that he shouldn't treat someone differently just because they were young. With a slight wince, he remembered all the times that shopkeepers had mistaken him for a child and asked him 'Where's your mother?' and worn (admittedly satisfying) expressions of surprise when he brought his school supplies and textbooks to the counter and paid for them.

Did he really look that young?

"Where would you like to sit?" Tsuna inquired as he hurried around the counter.

The light brown haired boy glanced around the café and pointed at one of the inner tables. "Can anyone see me from the street if I sit there?"

"I doubt so," Tsuna said with a shrug, trying to appear friendly as he took a menu off the shelf and guided the young boy to his table, "If they press their faces up against the glass, they might be able to."

"Then I'll sit there," the boy decided, accepting the menu with a cheery, "Thank you!"

"No problem." Tsuna smiled at the boy and was about to walk back to the counter when the boy called out.

"A-ah, I'd like to order one chocolate frappe, please!"

"Sure, it's coming right up," Tsuna said happily. "That's my favorite drink," he added, feeling like the boy looked slightly communication-deprived.

"Chocolate frappe helps me focus!" the boy declared, not seeming to dislike Tsuna's attempt at conversation. "You don't seem very scary," he added, tilting his head.

Tsuna sweat-dropped, unsure whether it was a compliment or something to be disappointed about. "Well," he said, "I guess that's a good thing! That way I don't scare away people," the brunette smiled at the younger boy.

"I wish I could scare people with looks," the boy commented wistfully. "That way, no one would—" he broke off suddenly, eyes darting in Tsuna's direction. "Can I have my frappe?"

"Uh, yes, sure," Tsuna said, wondering if this was one of the people like—he shuddered – the people on the day of the storm. He would never look at glow sticks the same way again.

* * *

When Tsuna returned again with the frappe in his hands, the boy looked decidedly more relaxed.

"My name's Fuuta de Stella," he introduced cheerfully before taking a long sip of his frappe. "I'm Italian!"

"I'm Tsuna," said brunette replied, wondering when the boy got so chatty. "And you can probably tell, but I'm Japanese."

"I'm meeting my friend here!" Fuuta bounced up and down on his seat, "Her name's I-Pin, and she's Chinese. She's very good at martial arts!"

"That's cool," Tsuna said, a little interested. "Martial arts are pretty awesome, aren't they?"

"Plus she can do this strange controlling thing," Fuuta informed him. "I've decided that I can trust Tsuna-nii!"

 _I'm a brother now?_ Tsuna thought, bewildered. Oh, well. Weirder things had happened.

"So, when's your friend I-Pin coming?" Tsuna asked kindly as the boy gripped the frappe in pale hands.

"It should be around now," Fuuta answered as he eyed Tsuna with a strangely calculating look on his face.

"Er… is there something on my face?" Tsuna checked a mirror and shrugged slightly.

"Nothing! But Tsuna-nii certainly does have very interesting rankings," Fuuta mused with a faraway look in his eyes.

Again, Tsuna wasn't sure whether this was a compliment or an insult. "Ah, do you need—" he began, when he noticed something odd from the corner of his eye. "YarGH!" Tsuna squeaked, his voice going an octave higher than usual as he watched the vase of flowers begin to float off the table.

Tsuna watched with wide eyes as the nearby menu started to levitate off the table and managed to regain his senses enough to slap it back down onto the table.

"Ah, good, that's no longer floating," Tsuna sighed in relief, only to squeak and dive for the slowly tipping frappe. "Watch out!" he warned as he began to reorganize the twirling things on the table, "Fuuta, are you okay…?" Tsuna ended with a strangled noise of fright as he found himself floating up off the floor.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING?" Tsuna hollered, frantically kicking his legs in an effort to get back to the floor. He clawed at the nearest wall and was in the middle of using the mirror as a fixed point when there was the sound of a creaking door.

"My, what in interesting situation," Reborn announced as he glided into the area from the back room, "You're floating, Tsuna."

"So is everything else!" Tsuna wailed in panic, "Help me, Reborn!"

"E-eh? Reborn-san?" Fuuta, who Tsuna had temporarily forgotten about in his scrambled haste to get everything back in order, said—and there was split second where time froze, and then Tsuna crashed to the ground in a jumbled heap.

"Yeow," the brunette groaned, only to be hit on the head with multiple falling menus and tissue boxes. "Ow, ow, ow—OW!" he complained as the ceramic toothpick holder fell on his arm and rolled off, landing on the ground with a soft clink.

"Good job, Tsuna," Reborn deadpanned, "You stopped everything from falling and shattering."

"E-eh?! But they hit me instead!" Tsuna whined slightly, wincing at his bruised head. "That menu weighs a ton."

"At least Lal won't kill you for breaking anything, Tsuna," Reborn pointed out as he crossed the room and began tossing menus to the shelf.

"L-Lal?" Tsuna shivered slightly. "Right…"

"Ah, but if anything broke, it'd be my fault!" Fuuta apologized from where he was holding his frappe.

"Well, we couldn't blame a customer, now could we? The blame would be on the waiter who was on duty," Reborn explained, "And pick up those things, Tsuna."

Tsuna grumbled as he set the fallen cutlery and such onto their respective tables. "My head hurts."

The chimes tinkled.

"A-ah… Fuuta?" an accented voice came from the front door, and the small boy jumped up with a delighted exclamation of 'I-Pin!'

Tsuna noticed that the girl had a single plait on the top of her head and was wearing traditional red Chinese costume.

"Now, Tsuna," Reborn smirked at the brunette's back, "Let's get your wounds treated."

* * *

"But I don't have any wounds," Tsuna protested as Reborn not-so-subtly urged him onto the patient's bed.

"Weren't you complaining about how much the bruises hurt just a minute ago?" Reborn raised a mocking eyebrow and Tsuna spluttered. "Besides, you might have a concussion."

"A concussion?" Tsuna said in alarm. "I hope not!" He quickly corrected himself. "I mean, I don't have a concussion."

"You wouldn't know, would you?" Reborn sat down on the really-fun-stool-with-wheels-and-all, then pushed off smoothly from a wall and swiveled to the bedside. "Now, Tsuna, can you remember the relationship that we used to share?"

"W-what?" Tsuna yelped, "I'm very sure we never shared any relationship!"

"Are you sure you don't remember anything? Not even the time when I took you to the zoo and paid so you could pet a baby lion?" Reborn asked, looking completely serious.

"A baby lion?" Tsuna perked up at that. "Wait… how do I know you're not tricking me?" He send a deeply suspicious look at Reborn.

"Ah, it's so nostalgic to have you behave the same way you did the first time we met," Reborn sighed dramatically, "I missed this attitude slightly."

"W-What?" Tsuna said, bewildered, "Did I change?"

"Oh, of course," Reborn sent a sultry smirk in Tsuna's direction, "I never realized how different you were in bed compared to real life."

"I don't understand," Tsuna gasped in horror, "When did I…?"

"You're quite like a kitten, you know," Reborn commented offhandedly, "I think we've even role—"

Tsuna cut him off with an embarrassed squeak and a flaming red face.

"…Actually," Reborn continued as if Tsuna had never interrupted, "We've even become more—I think public is a better word to use here—since _then_ ," he gave Tsuna an absolutely unsettling wink.

"Bullshit," a commanding female voice snorted, crossing her arms, "Really, Reborn."

"L-Lal?!" Tsuna's breath hitched slightly and you could _see_ the major inner turmoil that the poor boy was experiencing.

"Aw, Lal," Reborn sulked with an amused glint in his eyes, "And I was so close to convincing him too."

"Sawada, you're too gullible for your own good," Lal reprimanded as she strode briskly into the room and picked up a file. "Workday's over. Leave," she instructed.

"And be careful next time, Sawada," the blue-haired woman added as Tsuna shakily got up and left the room on wobbly legs. He nodded faintly and pushed open the glass door, hearing the cheerful "Bye, Tsuna-nii!" as if it was a thousand miles away.


	11. Chapter 11

**AUTHOR'S NOTE ABOUT WHAT YOU MIGHT WANT: If you'd like a chapter to be a reader insert where the reader enters the café, say so in a review ^^ It's a one-time thing, meaning that the reader won't appear later on in the story, but you'd get to sit in a corner and watch all the characters scream at each other.**

 **If you do, should I use _, (Name), (y/n), or what to show that your name goes here? I'd use all 'she's, but it would be confusing and there might be male readers so I'd rather not risk it.**

 **And this is the early Halloween chapter! (Exams are coming up, so the next two weeks or so will be without an update. )**

* * *

Café Munio: Chapter Ten

"You're late!" Colonello shouted accusingly as Tsuna tossed his backpack into the back room and changed into his work shirt.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," the brunette apologized frantically and darted to the counter to pick up the order, "I needed to stay after school for a bit."

"Eyyy, okay then," Colonello said with a shrug. "That hot chocolate's for the only pretty girl in the shop."

Tsuna looked over the counter. "There's only one girl in the shop."

"Eh, she's still pretty," Colonello said nonchalantly. "Her name's Haru."

"Colonello," Tsuna began, almost afraid of the answer," You haven't been chatting up every customer, have you?"

"Nah, she just refers to herself in third person," Colonello assured Tsuna with a grin. "Hurry up, or the drink's gonna go cold."

The hot chocolate sloshed around in the mug as Tsuna hurried across the café. "One order of hot chocolate?" he said anxiously, and the girl beamed at him.

"Correct! Haru has been craving hot chocolate for days!" she declared, immediately taking a sip of the drink. "Ah, this is really good!"

"Do you need anything else?" Tsuna asked politely, and when the girl—Haru—shook her head, he realized that he was a lot better at interacting with customers now. Had he outgrown his shyness?

"Doubt so," the girl said cheerfully, her slightly curly ponytail swinging as she reached down for her backpack. "Haru thinks you're just pretending."

"Eh?!" Tsuna yelped, "Did I say that out loud?!"

"Yep," Haru confirmed with another nod.

The bubbly brunette stayed in the café for the next few hours, busily typing away at her computer and occasionally pausing to mouth annoyed words at the screen.

Tsuna's work shift was over sooner than usual, and he exited the back room to see Haru packing up as well. "Are you done?" he asked politely (as usual).

"Yep! That took a lot longer than Haru hoped…" the girl sighed. "And Haru was hoping to buy cake, too! It's so late, and the cake must have been bought by all the other girls by now!"

"The cake shop?" Tsuna asked curiously.

"They sell the best cake!" Haru nodded enthusiastically.

"Haru-chan!" a sweet, feminine voice called from outside the shop. "I saved some cake for you!"

The said girl let out a squeal of delight and raced out of the shop, vaulting over a chair in her hurry. "Kyoko-chan! Really?!"

"I bought two slices of the new cake, and I couldn't eat the second one because it'd be too much," Kyoko explained, "So you can have it! I remembered that you had a really long essay to do and wouldn't be able to buy cake today, so I decided to give it to you."

Haru made a noise of delight as she peered into the box. "Ooh, that looks so good!" she gushed, bounding up and down on the sidewalk in glee, "I can't wait to get home and eat it!"

"I saw Halloween-themed cupcakes in the display while I was there," Kyoko announced as the two began to stroll slowly down the stone paved sidewalk, "They had the cutest bat decorations!"

"Oh! That's right!" Haru exclaimed, shifting the box of cake onto her other hand, "Halloween's coming up, isn't it? Are you going to go trick or treating?"

"A few ladies gave us strange looks last year when we walked up to their doors," the other girl laughed, "I think they thought we were too old for trick-or-treating!"

"Well, that isn't going to stop Haru!" the brown-haired girl declared fiercely. "I'm going trick-or-treating, no matter what other people think! I already have a costume planned out!"

"Ah, I'll come with you then," Kyoko smiled, "I've grown out my hair this year! I might fluff it out and go as a paper doll," she said thoughtfully.

"Ooh, that would look cool! Let's invite a lot of people to come with us!" Haru spun around and pointed at Tsuna, who was about to make a tactical retreat down the other end of the sidewalk. "You!" she shouted. "Would! You! Like! To! Come! Trick! Or! Treating! With! Us?!"

Tsuna was a bit overwhelmed by her demanding enthusiasm and was forced to nod. "Ah… ah, okay," he said uncertainly.

"That's great! Invite your friends too!" Haru ordered, "We'll meet at this corner on Saturday. Remember to wear a fabulous costume!"

"Eh?! A costume?!" Tsuna shouted after her in a kind of horrified dismay, but the two girls were nowhere to be seen.

* * *

"Eh, Halloween?" Gokudera snorted gruffly. "We're too old for trick-or-treating!"

"Ah, it'll be fun," Yamamoto shrugged, "Besides, I haven't gone trick-or-treating in years!"

"I don't have a costume," Tsuna groaned from where he had faceplanted into the floor.

"Hey, my dad has a bunch of old costumes from when he had to act once!" Yamamoto brightened up. "We could look through those. I'm sure he'll let us borrow them."

Gokudera was clearly about to object but he shut up once Tsuna leapt up and said eagerly, "Are you sure? What are we waiting for, then?! Let's go!"

"Ayyy, this is nice," Yamamoto said with a grin, lifting up a pirate costume decorated with gold and lace. "There's even an eye patch and hat to go with it!"

"Er, Yamamoto, did your dad really have to act all these characters in one play?" Tsuna wondered in bafflement. "There are at least fifteen different costumes here…"

"Maybe it was a one-man play," Yamamoto said absentmindedly as Gokudera rolled his eyes and huffed in exasperation.

"Hey, hey, look!" Tsuna opened a box and pulled out three costumes. "We could be the Three Musketeers!"

"Cool! We'd all match! I think it's a good idea," Yamamoto slid over from where he had been sitting and examined the jackets and hats. "These are so fancy. Look at all the lace, gold thread, embroidered pockets and collars! There are even shining buttons on the cuffs and edges."

"I think we've been getting more and more conservative on cloth through the years," Gokudera deadpanned, thumping down onto the floor and scooting over to where the two were huddled. "I want the black and silver one," he said firmly.

"That's good! I'll take the blue one, unless you want it, Tsuna."

"A-ah, I can use the crimson one."

"Okay! Then we're all set. I think I have a pair of loafers… I don't know why, really," Yamamoto laughed, "But it's definitely at the back of the cabinet somewhere."

"I have boots," Tsuna said uncomfortably, "They're the hiking kind, but they're not really bulky and have laces and all that. Actually… they're not even for hiking. I think kaa-san bought them saying that I would probably need them one day. And she was right, wasn't she?"

"Eh, I'll just wear these," Gokudera pointed down at the floorboards, "My sneakers, that is."

"You'd be a very modern musketeer, but okay," Yamamoto shrugged, "This is perfect! My hat even as a feather in it!"

"Let's try them on," Tsuna suggested, and they slipped the coats on.

"Ooh, one of us can hold a sword! The other two have a dagger each," Yamamoto pushed a box towards them as he rooted through the next few chests.

The three of them dressed up and went down the stairs to where Yamamoto's father was in the kitchen, washing some of the fish.

"You all look better in that than I did," the sushi chef chuckled, drying his hands off on a towel and walking over. He adjusted the embroidered gold collars and dusted off the hats. "There, now you're all set for Halloween! I swear you can charm anyone in that outfit."

Yamamoto drew out the fake sword from its scabbard and pretended to challenge his father with it.

Tsuna swore he saw both their eyes harden for a second, but he dismissed it as a figment of his overactive imagination. These costumes were far too realistic!

* * *

The next few days leading up to Halloween included Haru sitting down in the café and doing her homework there. "There's a nice atmosphere," she explained, "And having a drink while writing a boring essay is always helpful!"

Tsuna was pretty good friends with the girl by then, and he'd go over and try to help with her essay sometimes, but they were concentrating on completely different subjects and he often didn't understand her project at all.

"Do you have a costume yet, Tsuna-kun?" Haru asked, as she twisted her curly hair into a bun.

"Er, yes," Tsuna said as he wiped the nearby table, "I'm coming with two of my friends—is that okay?"

"Perfect!" Haru brightened up. "The more the merrier, anyway!"

"You're all going trick-or-treating?" Colonello asked interestedly as he walked by the table.

"Yep! Do you want to come too, Colonello-san?" Haru offered.

"I might tag along and watch," the blonde shrugged. "No harm done, eh?"

"Nope! It won't be problem at all," Haru said sincerely.

Tsuna had a bad feeling about this—but once again, it was too late to back out, wasn't it?

* * *

The setting sun cast long shadows over the streets as children and teenagers swarmed around Namimori, the excited chatter setting the mood for Halloween.

"You all look very smart," Yamamoto's father praised with a grin.

"Thanks, Dad," Yamamoto laughed as the three walked out the door. He turned to poke Gokudera gently with the hilt of his fake sword. "You're the sourest looking Musketeer in the history of Musketeers, Hayato!"

"I told you not to call me Hayato!" the silver-haired boy hissed.

"This coat is so bright," Tsuna said uncomfortably.

"It looks more like dark orange in the sun," Yamamoto observed cheerfully. "Oh, there they are!"

Gokudera sulked at the back of the group, tugging at the fancy jacket. It reminded him too much of his childhood for Gokudera's liking—daily life at the castle had consisted of wearing stiff jackets stitched with gold and silver thread.

"Hi Haru," Tsuna said, "Who else is…"

The three rounded the corner as Tsuna had been talking, and the brunette nearly fainted. Walking down the street, they had seen Haru dressed as a sushi roll and talking animatedly to an unseen person around the corner—Kyoko, perhaps.

But once they turned the corner, the source of the chatter that Tsuna had thought came from the many trick-or-treaters became known—the entire stretch was full of people in groups, wearing costumes ranging from the simplest cloak and hat to a complete Loki outfit.

"H-Haru?" Tsuna gasped, "Are these random pedestrians, or…?" Gokudera looked slightly green.

"I invited them, of course!" Haru announced with a grin, waving a packet of seaweed in her hand. "Okay, everyone!" she shouted through a megaphone, "Let's begin!"

The crowd cheered, and Tsuna paled as he noticed the Varia walking past them in their usual outfits.

"That boy's knives look so real, don't they?" Haru said in awe, as she gestured toward's Bel's knives.

Tsuna cursed his bad luck.


	12. Chapter 12

**Terribly sorry that I wasn't able to get the Halloween chapter out on time, but I was a bit… caught up in some things. For a very long time.**

* * *

Café Munio: Chapter 11

"I don't think this is a good idea," Tsuna said nervously as the group traipsed down the street in their costumes. Haru was attracting quite a lot of stares with her extravagant sushi get-up, but Tsuna felt very out of place as a couple of five-year-olds ran past, giggling.

"Let's go to this house!" Haru declared, "Eh, Haru likes that pumpkin," she said thoughtfully, pointing to a Jack O'Lantern with a 2% battery sign carved onto it. "It's certainly very realistic!"

Haru leapt up the stairs as Kyoko followed behind her, both of them shouting 'Trick or treat!' at the same time as the door opened.

An elderly woman stood in the doorway, holding a basket still full to the brim with candy. "My, don't all of you look dashing," she said with a motherly smile once the 'Three Muskteers' reached the door. She dropped candies into each of their outstretched bags, smiling as she did so.

"Happy Halloween," Tsuna mumbled, before turning around immediately and dashing for the gate. This whole idea of greeting many random strangers at their house (for free candy too) was steadily becoming more horrifying by the minute. There was going to be more human interaction in this one day, than Tsuna had in the past year!

Well, the past year wouldn't be so accurate, since Tsuna had begun working at the cafe around that time—last year would be a better estimate.

"That house," Haru called over her shoulder as she dashed off.

"Come on, Tsuna-kun," Kyoko said with a smile, "Trick-or-treating has barely started!"

"Ooh, don't remind me," Tsuna mumbled under his breath, following the two energetic girls on to the next house.

Roughly two hours later, all their bags were about to split open with how much candy was stored inside. They'd walked around Namimori two times and had passed the Varia three times, as the assassins paraded around town with their boss on their shoulders.

Belphegor laughed his creepy, whispering cackle as he swung his bag around to shove it in front of Tsuna's face. "See that," he announced theatrically, "The prince has more candy than you do, of course."

"What do you mean by that?" Haru said indignantly, waving her pack of seaweed around as she walked right up to the blonde assassin. "I'm sure we all have the same amounts of candy! We went to the same houses! It's just logic!"

"The prince doesn't care about logic," Belphegor sniffed haughtily, looking mortified at the thought, "The peasants probably recognized the prince for who he is and gave him more candy as tribute!"

"Why would they pay tribute to an arrogant donkey like you?" Haru looked annoyed by the prince's attitude.

"A donkey?! You dare…?" Belphegor said, outraged.

Tsuna gave a little high-pitched shriek and stumbled forwards, eyeing the knives that Belphegor held with no little amount of caution. "Be careful—be careful, you two, please don't destroy anything!"

Haru produced a golf club from somewhere inside her costume (had she been carrying that around the whole time?) and said firmly, "Stop influencing the little children around you with your bad behavior! You're corrupting their angelic minds!"

"Tch, what do I care about the mental health of peasants?" Belphegor scoffed, and Haru launched into a long lecture regarding the issue of social manners and the importance of the next generation as Tsuna watched from the sidelines and whimpered.

* * *

"Let's count all the candy!" Haru decided, sitting down on the floor and turning her bag of candy upside-down.

Belphegor swept half of it into his bag the way one would use a small dustpan and broom, and cackled as he leapt out the window, and onto the tree.

The others sat on the floor (Gokudera took Haru's hurriedly vacated spot) to count, while Tsuna settled for a safer way of counting candy, and he sat with his back against the corner as he dropped the candy one by one into another bag.

"You… you _reverse mop_!" Haru shouted as she whacked the other with the end of a bamboo stick.

Tsuna pitied any mind readers that might exist in the world, because they were certainly in for a shock if they ever came to Namimori.

"80," Yamamoto declared. "This was quite fun!"

Gokudera was busy unbuttoning the Musketeers coat and tossing it to the far end of the room. The Musketeers hats had left the trio's hair all tangled and the coat was _very stuffy_ , which lead Gokudera to run an annoyed hand through his hair and grumble. (Kyoko later informed Tsuna that yes, the majority of Namimori Middle's female population _did_ think that the silver-haired foreigner was, to quote her words, 'really, incredibly hot and swoon-worthy.' Tsuna had been rather suspicious about this for months.)

Haru chased Belphegor through the house, shrieking. 'Varia Quality,' Tsuna thought dryly as Belphegor's knives split the bamboo stick into eighths, 'For all his arrogance and posh attitude, he can't outrun a middle-school girl.' Then again, Haru was Haru, and in a class all of her own.

* * *

 **It's short, I know, but I'm planning for things to get more serious in the next chapter. It's just a short, adventurous/mystery arc, and it'll last around three chapters or so.**


	13. Chapter 13

Café Munio: Chapter 12

"Have you heard?" The whispers of gossip spread throughout the classroom. "Have you heard?"

Yamamoto joined Tsuna at the corner. "They're talking about the kidnapping that happened yesterday," he explained.

"Who was kidnapped?"

Yamamoto shook his head. "They didn't say," he said doubtfully. "It was probably said on the news, but our classmates don't know."

"I see," Tsuna said, glancing out the window at the light drizzle of rain. "I hope the victim's okay."

"It was probably an important person, or at least wealthy," Yamamoto ticked things off on his fingers. "I hope they're okay too."

Gokudera slammed open the classroom door and leaned his dark blue umbrella in the corner of the classroom. "I'm not late," he grumbled to the teacher, who had sent him an irritated look.

He slid a desk and chair over to Tsuna's corner and sat down just as the bell rang.

"Utter bull feces," he snorted, nodding in the vague direction of whispering classmates.

Yamamoto looked amused. "Who banned you from swearing this time?"

"No one," Gokudera claimed. "Personal goal."

The English literature teacher entered the classroom in a bustle and set her overflowing basket of papers down on the teacher's desk.

"Good morning, class," she said with a smile. "Today we will continue on our section about English poets, and today we will focus on Edgar Allan Poe…"

The class groaned.

* * *

After school, in the café, Tsuna was wiping plates when Reborn entered the kitchen with a grim look. "It's your friend," he said, his fedora managing to block the light so perfectly that his eyes were hidden. "Haru."

"Haru? What happened?" Tsuna said, quickly leaving the plates to dry on a rack and turning around.

"Remember that kidnapping that your wonderfully pure-mouthed friend called 'bull feces'?" Reborn said, "Well…"

Tsuna remembered that Reborn had not been there when Gokudera made his comment, but ignored that for now and instead pieced it together. His anxiety level spiked and he inquired, "What? Is she okay?"

"We can't say for sure," Reborn said, already leaving the kitchen. "Oh, and this came for you today." He tossed a pale cream envelope onto the kitchen table and left.

Tsuna wiped his hands dry and picked up the envelope. It was addressed to Sawada Tsunayoshi, in Café Munio, which was strange. Maybe this was a prank by one of his friends?

He opened the envelope, and the white sheet of lined paper inside read:

 _Near the edge_

 _Ebony feathers are_

 _Eyes see all_

 _Midnight leaving an_

 _Ominous shadow to grow_

This was definitely a prank, Tsuna snorted, but then he noticed the small print at the bottom of the paper.

 _Will you do this for your friend, Sawada Tsunayoshi?_

Well, Tsuna let out a puff of air as his insides froze, shit.

"A ransom, probably," Gokudera immediately slammed his face into the table and groaned. "This is going to be a lot more complicated than I thought."

"This makes no sense," Yamamoto reread the sheet of paper, "Maybe it's an anagram."

"They don't even rhyme!" Tsuna wailed. "Edge, are, all, an, grow. What is this?"

"I don't know," Gokudera huffed.

"If it helps, when you say the first column aloud it's pronounced 'Nemo,'" Yamamoto offered with a grin.

Gokudera rolled his eyes. "Very helpful."

The next day in the café, Fon heard Tsuna muttering the same phrase over and over again, under his breath.

"Nemo… Edge, are, all, an, grow. Nemo."

Needless to say, the Chinese chef found it hilarious. "What is this about Nemo, Tsuna?"

"It's about the kidnapping that happened," Tsuna said gloomily. "We don't have any leads, at all! And this creepy raven came to my room with a message, saying that we have a week left. Haru's in a lot of danger!"

"A raven?" Fon said, slightly interested. "They can be trained to carry messages?"

"Apparently so," Tsuna said, "Hey, the sign's blowing down." Indeed, the wind had sent a corner of the sign outside the café fluttering in the breeze. "Ayy! The other corner's falling too! Fon, could you help me for a second?"

The two went outside and smoothed out the sign, securing it back in place.

Tsuna glanced upwards, then jumped back with a squeak of fright. "There it is again!"

Fon looked behind him. "Yatagarasu," he pronounced, eyeing the bird. "The rolled up message sure looks like a third leg."

"What's that?" Tsuna panicked, looking torn between rushing into the café for safety or hiding behind Fon, and ending up standing frozen on the spot.

"It's a Japanese mythical creature, I suppose. It's a three-legged crow that symbolizes rebirth, rejuvenation and guidance," Fon explained. "How ironic."

The raven landed on a table, and tore the message from its foot much in the same manner as a human would toe off a shoe. Then it flew away again.

Now that the raven was gone, Tsuna unfroze and asked, "Yatagarasu?"

"It's a new yakuza group that appeared around a month ago," Reborn was suddenly standing behind Tsuna, appearing in the silent and very creepy way he usually did. "I'm surprised you know about them. Never thought you'd be the type to be up to date on news about the underground, Tsuna."

"What? No, Fon was just telling me about how the messenger raven…" Tsuna trailed off. "Hang on a second."

* * *

"See? It all makes sense!" Tsuna shouted, looking close to tearing his hair out in frustration as he paced back and forth and around the room. "Their messenger bird is a raven, and when it has a message tied to its leg it looks like yatagarasu. Yatagarasu is a new yakuza group! And when you say the last words of the poem that we had, it sounds like 'Edgar Allan Poe!' We learned about him in English literature class! Argh, now where are those kidnappers located? Haru…!"

"Ah… Tsuna, slow down a little," Yamamoto said, looking slightly worried for his friend's health. "What did the new message say, anyways?"

"It just warned us that we're running out of time," Tsuna waved it off. "Anyway, we have a lead now!"

* * *

 **Please note that all my information about Yatagarasu came from Wikipedia, so if I'm wrong please tell me. If it's offensive, I definitely did not mean for it to be offensive, so apologies in advance! Tell me so I can correct it.**


	14. Chapter 14

Café Munio

"Damn," Gokudera muttered, "I left my umbrella at school again."

They were gathered in the café, Tsuna standing behind the counter while the other two dragged chairs over to sit.

"It's okay, we can get it tomorrow!" Yamamoto said cheerfully.

"I liked that umbrella," Gokudera said grumpily.

The glass door opened and Tsuna looked up. "Welcome to the-" he began, before freezing.

"Eh, Tsuna-kun? And Yamamoto-kun and Gokudera-kun too!"

"Oh, shit," Gokudera said under his breath.

* * *

"The name of the café looked interesting," Kyoko said dismissively, lifting a chair over to sit down.

"Ah… er," Tsuna said, trying to look interesting, but thankfully he didn't need to say any more as there was a loud thunk and a following dull thud.

"I think a bird crashed into the window," Kyoko said, getting up. "I'll go check on it."

"Wait a second..!" Tsuna called, but she was out the door and picking up the raven.

"Oh, it's carrying a letter," she said in surprise, "And it's addressed to you, Tsuna-kun."

"It must be about Haru," Tsuna said unthinkingly.

"What about Haru?" Kyoko asked.

"Why did no one tell me about Haru?!" Kyoko said indignantly. "I could've done something!"

"Ah… we didn't want to worry anyone too much," Tsuna explained.

"What unfailing logic," the girl snorted. "Anyway, why did they kidnap Haru?! They must want something from you, Tsuna-kun."

Gokudera really didn't want to admit that she was proving herself to be more level-headed than they ever were.

"Do you know what they want from you?" Kyoko asked.

Tsuna wanted to scream. "I have no idea," he said instead. "Oh, maybe the letter will tell us something?"

"It says 'Meet us at Namimori School,'" Kyoko informed them.

"Are they stupid? They must be aware that the school is…" Tsuna lowered his voice, " _Hibari's territory!_ "

"What's this about the school?" a voice demanded from behind them.

Gokudera yelped and hurled a shoe in the direction of the voice – and it proceeded to bounce off a prefect's head, knock over a toothpick stand, and scare the raven away.

He swore.

"Don't swear on premises," Hibari ordered, "It's uncouth."

Tsuna couldn't help but wonder how many times that rule had been broken.

Yamamoto hastily cut in to explain. "A friend of ours was kidnapped and the kidnappers instructed us to go to the school."

Hibari narrowed his eyes. "Is the kidnapped one a student in Namimori?"

"Er… no. She does go to – " Tsuna said, but Hibari lost interest.

"Get her and the kidnappers out of the school."

Tsuna and the others waited with bated breath.

"Actually, let me bite the wrongdoers to death for disturbing the peace first."

"I'll come as well." Tsuna nearly let out a scream of shock as Reborn appeared in a nearby chair. "Just for laughs, of course."

"If you're going to come you might as well help us a little!" Tsuna protested.

"You're three hundred years too early to be ordering me around," Reborn said darkly.

"I'm not even going to live that long!"

"That's the point."

Colonello came out from the back room. "Why is there a box of dead ravens in the room?"

"Don't look at me," Reborn said.

* * *

The group stopped at Namimori's front gates. "Where are they?" Tsuna wondered.

They stood in the courtyard, looking a little lost.

"I'll go find them!" Kyoko announced, marching forwards and into the school.

"It might be dangerous!" Tsuna called.

Around him, people shifted subtly. Then, at the same moment Yamamoto shouted, "There!" Reborn dragged Tsuna to the side and a shot rang out.

"Well spotted," Colonello said as Yamamoto blinked.

"Eh…? Why did I do that?" Yamamoto wondered.

"Well, you were right," Reborn said. "Apparently the kidnappers are in your classroom."

"How do you know?" Tsuna asked nervously.

Reborn whacked him on the head with a hammer. "The sunlight glints off the gun, of course," he said in a condescending tone. "What a bad sniper," he said disapprovingly. "Who hired him?"

"Well, now we can go get Haru back!" Yamamoto said, walking forward.

"No, Tsuna should go himself," Reborn said. He said something else under his breath but Tsuna couldn't hear it properly.

"E-eh? Why me?" he protested.

"Because you're boss, of course."

"Who appointed me boss?!"

* * *

"There's no one here," Tsuna said, pushing the door open.

The classroom was empty, and Tsuna spotted an umbrella in the corner next to a window. "Oh, that's Gokudera-kun's umbrella… Hey, the window's open! I thought the teachers always closed them before they left?"

There was a click behind him. "Boss, he's here."

"Gah!" Tsuna howled, grabbing the umbrella and swinging it with all his strength.

"Oww!" the man screamed, a deep gash appearing on his face. "He has a weapon!"

"Weapon?!" Tsuna shouted in confusion and with rising hysteria. "This is an umbrella!"

"Do you think I'm stupid?! Pretty ingenious, boy, hiding a sword in an umbrella!" the man roared, backing away.

"The heck do you mean, a sword?!" Tsuna yelled, "It's not a sword!" He stabbed it into the ground and froze as the tiles cracked. "A-ah…?"

"Did you forget about your own weapon?" the man laughed maniacally, disappearing out of the doorway.

Tsuna drew the umbrella out of the ground, and paled as he saw its very sharp and very lethal tip. Well… he'll definitely need to ask Gokudera about this later.

Tsuna clomped down the stairs crossed the lobby, meaning to make his way out to the courtyard and to where the rest of his group were waiting, when a shrill scream echoed through the building.

"It must be Haru!" Tsuna said in alarm, spinning around to race back inside.

Before he could take a single step, a cry followed, "What are you _doing_ to the poor baby?!"

 _Ah…_

* * *

"Your hands are tied! Why are you talking back at me?!" the man grouched, on the verge of dumping the kidnapped onto the ground and stomping away, Family revenge be damned.

"I'm not going to allow you to mistreat the baby!" Haru shouted back. "Oh, the poor thing! Come over here."

"And what are you going to do?!" the man bellowed, "You've been kidnapped! Stop worrying about some worthless kid!"

"I WANT CANDY!" Lambo bawled from where he was tied up. "This is no fun! Play with me!" he demanded.

"For the eighteenth time I will not play with you!" Why weren't these kids scared?! His mama was right – he should never have gotten involved in this yakuza business.

"Don't treat the baby so poorly!" Haru scolded.

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" the man bawled, throwing down his gun and storming out of the room. "I'm going home!"

There was a moment of absolute silence.

"YAY! Can I play now?!" Lambo rolled over to where Haru was. "Play with me!"

Tsuna was sprinting up the stairs when the sound of hurried footsteps came from the stairs above him.

"E-eh?!" he said, bewildered, as a man rushed past him and dashed for the door, wailing.

"I-I guess they're up there, then," Tsuna said faintly.

* * *

They were all crowded in Tsuna's bedroom.

"Haru had lots of fun!" the girl said victoriously. "That man though…" she continued disapprovingly.

Lambo was busy eating the candy Nana gave him ("He was kidnapped? Oh you poor dear, here, you can have some candy," since she caught him eyeing the candy jar) and cackling.

"Oh dear! I have an essay due tomorrow. I must go! Thank you, Tsuna-kun!" Haru waved as she made her way briskly out of the room.

"That girl, she's going to go places, I'm telling you," Colonello said approvingly.

"When did you get here?!"

* * *

Hibari never got to bite the wrongdoer to death, and he was secretly very disappointed.

* * *

 **That was a lot more crack than I intended… but this isn't a serious plot kind of fic anyways, so I guess it makes sense.**


	15. Chapter 15

Cafe Munio

"We," Lal announced, "Are going to open up a new shop. In Italy." The proposal prompted many unsatisfied calls from around the room, and Colonello loudly pronounced it boring. "It is simply broadening our horizons," she said, glaring, "The employees over there will send daily reports to Viper for her to add up to our profit over here. And I had secretly assigned one of our chefs slash bakers to learn the secrets of Italian desserts last month."

"If you try to get me an assistant I'm going to quit," Viper said, before gliding out the door and disappearing, just to get the last word.

"I don't want to go back to Italy," Skull sulked. "Less ocean for Oodako to train in."

Tsuna quietly wondered who Oodako was and what he did to need an entire _ocean_.

"There're seas. And besides, I haven't told you all who's going yet."

"Er, I can't, because I have school," Tsuna said.

Lal sighed. "I know that. We're only going to send Verde, Skull, and Reborn — the rest of you can stay here and continue your usual jobs."

There was a a loud crunch when Reborn accidentally crushed a pen. Ink splattered all over the table, leaving a permanent, smeared blue mark. "Whoa, wait, no, why can't Colonello go instead? You need a barista here, don't you?"

"I've hired another one," Lal said dismissively, ignoring protests of 'but there is no one better than me!' with practiced ease.

"I still don't want to go," Skull said, but his voice was squashed under the the sound of Reborn rummaging in a briefcase.

Reborn tossed a glossy black phone across the table, and it sailed in a perfect arc into Tsuna's hands. "I am going to need your number." Seeing the others' scandalized looks, he rolled his eyes and followed it up with, "How else do I instill daily terror?"

"And here we have reason number three hundred and forty-seven in why giving out your number is a bad idea," Colonello said, shooting Tsuna a meaningful look.

"But do it anyways," Reborn said, tossing another pen up and down using two fingers. "Ooh, what a mighty sharp point this pen has…"

With trembling fingers, Tsuna entered his number, and passed the phone back.

"Perfect! Off to Italy it is, then," Reborn latched the briefcase shut and exited the room.

"We're leaving in two days," Lal called.

"I can always leave first. I'm rather anxious to try out this new form of terro—communication." The door closed, and while Tsuna strongly suspected that the pulsing noise outside was from a helicopter, he didn't say anything. How would one get from Japan to Italy in a helicopter, anyway?

After a brief introduction to the new schedule they were dismissed, and everyone scattered.

* * *

It wasn't very long after that Tsuna received a message from an unknown number.

 ** _this is leon_**

Accompanying it was a picture of a chameleon, but it was camouflaged with the table behind it, so the most obvious feature were the bulging eyes which were glaring at the camera.

I trust this is Reborn? Tsuna sent back.

 ** _my beloved and i were reacquainted mere hours ago_**

And, not long after that—

 ** _ahh, good quality coffee beans_**

Tsuna was mildly annoyed.

* * *

"Business is booming in Italy," Lal announced. "I might need to hire more employees to help over there. Three is not enough."

"We haven't even gotten to see the new cafe," Colonello complained.

"Verde has informed me that the fruits are fresher over there," Fon said, looking very slightly insulted. "But I am sure he is just saying so to try and gain an advantage, or rile me up."

"AKA, attempting the impossible," Colonello shook his head dramatically. "I thought scientists were supposed to be practical."

"He's a baker," Tsuna said uncertainly. Even so, when he thought about it, the man's desserts always looked more like experiments. "How are they managing everything over there, anyway?" he asked.

"Multi-tasking," Lal said promptly. "Skull's told me a lot about that. I don't have any information about Reborn, though."

"I do," Tsuna said, looking more tired than ever in the space of a second.

"Does he actually send you a message every day?" Fon said curiously.

"Worse," Tsuna said gloomily. He held his phone up for them to see.

All three were silent.

 _Those are a lot of red icons._

* * *

 ** _i bought leon a st. patrick's day outfit_**

 ** _[Photo]_**

Reborn, he clearly doesn't like it. Take it off.

 ** _why won't he like it it's a green vest and it's beautiful_**

 ** _i also bought myself a green vest wanna see_**

No.

 ** _[Photo]_**

…Reborn, that's not even green.

 ** _yes it is_**

No, it's black.

 ** _it's dark green_**

 ** _the color leaves look at night_**

* * *

"Does he even sleep?" Colonello asked in bemusement, watching the messages build up, one after another, and in rapid succession.

"No," Tsuna said. "He doesn't run out of things to say, either."

The blonde shook his head. "Reason number three hundred and forty-eight in why giving out your number is a bad idea," he muttered under his breath.

"I have half a mind to block him," Tsuna said thoughtfully.

"Then why don't you?"

"Because my phone would miss him."

"This is the most pathetic case of love-hate I have ever seen," Colonello grumbled.

* * *

 ** _[Photo}_**

 ** _i got verde to bake a cake that looked like you_**

That is so disturbing.

 ** _it tasted delicious_**

 ** _but I'm sure the real thing would taste even better_**

[Photo]

 ** _why do you have a punching bag with my face on it_**


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: And I begin by thanking 7 for this idea! It's slightly toned down for a more lighthearted mood but I hope you like it!

—

Cafe Munio

"So how are things going in Italy?" Colonello inquired, while he drizzled raspberry sauce over a cheesecake.

After Tsuna sent him a blank stare, he singsonged, "No one knows better than you do."

Tsuna snorted. "As if anything I learn is actually related to the cafe."

"I told you it was a bad idea to give out your phone number, hey," Colonello said resignedly, "But at least you're having fun…?"

"I've seen enough chameleon pictures to last several lifetimes," Tsuna grumbled, "And there are probably enough fill up all the billboards around the world, in their original, 900 x 900 pixels forms."

"That much, huh," Colonello said sympathetically, while sliding the display door open and carefully setting the cheesecake inside.

"We need to restock the paper bag supply," Tsuna said, changing the topic, then left to write that on a sticky note.

It was an unusually windy day and the setting sun cast blurred, dancing shadows on the patterned sidewalk, though it did very little to ease the chill that was settling into everyone's bones. Tsuna took short, shivering steps, carrying a plastic bag of groceries in one hand and a textbook in the other.

He had just passed a row of houses, when there was a loud clatter of a dustbin lid. A kitten had leapt from one of the walls to the dustbin and it was staring at him, but mostly eyeing the groceries with hunger.

It was small and fragile looking, its bones showing through its matted pelt, and when the wind blew it looked like it would blow away with it.

It ignited some sympathy in Tsuna — after all, it was just a kitten, and surely they could not take care of themselves as well as stray cats. He wondered whether to take it home and feed it some food. Would his mother even approve?

But then it turned its gaze from the bag to him and its eyes were a whirlpool of gold and amber, pleading and playful all at once, and suddenly Tsuna didn't have to wonder anymore.

"Of course you can keep it," Nana promised, "As long as I can take a picture of you two to put up on the wall! It looks just like you!"

"Sure," Tsuna agreed, without hesitation. "I'm gonna give you a bath, 'kay?" he said to the lump of bones and fur, which was perched in his arms.

The kitten blinked at him.

"I don't know how to wash cats, either," Tsuna informed the kitty, "So you're going to have to bear with me. I hope you don't hate water that much…"

The kitten squirmed as it was lowered gently into the tub of water, and as Tsuna held it down with one hand and brushed furiously with the other the water turned an icky shade of gray.

"Gross," he announced, drying it off to indignant yowls, and then poured the water away. "Do you like the hairdryer? …No, you do not like the hairdryer," he said, putting it away hurriedly when the kitten shied from the loud gust of hot air. "Food, then? Yeah, food it is." Tsuna sighed when the kitten disappeared soundlessly down the stairs, and Nana's joyful squeals sounded through the house moments later.

Once the kitten was fed and had dried itself off, its coat was revealed to be a soft golden color that seemed to glow when basked in the soft light of one of the lamps.

"I like it already," Nana said, delighted. "And its so well-behaved, look," and she cooed when the kitten padded over for a cuddle. "We'll go to the vet tomorrow for its checkup."

"It's surprisingly healthy for a stray cat," the vet said, combing through the kitten's fur. "And yes, it's male, and it's surprising that it survived for so long, despite being so young."

Tsuna beamed proudly, for no particular reason.

They exited the office, and in the car, Tsuna said, "I'm going to name him Natsu."

"I like it," Nana said happily. "It fits him, and the name would be connected to you, too!"

"I like it too," Tsuna said. But he was slightly disturbed by how his first instinct, when he got home, was to send a picture of his new cat to Reborn.

[Photo]

 ** _oH my gOd iS tHaT yOuRs_**

…Are you okay?

 ** _dO i loOk oKaY_**

You look mildly disturbing and unstable.

 ** _the kitten and leon could be best friends_**

NEVER.

 ** _what, do you think he could catch leon's dress sense or what_**

YES.

 ** _lol_**

 ** _i was joking. you wound me_**

I'm going to ignore what you just said. His name is Natsu! I found him when I was walking back from a shift at the cafe :)

 ** _so you're the princely animal-hero type, huh_**

I am not — most of the time.

 ** _[Photo]_**

OH GOD IS ARE YOU WEARING A CHAMELEON ONESIE

I CANNOT UNSEE THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Monday signaled the arrival of a thick mist that settled around the town. Everything was slow and sluggish; even the teachers cared less than usual about the students' behavior.

School was a slow affair, but the cafe stayed as cheerful and bright as ever when Tsuna entered. He was busy manning the counter when Colonello, who was wiping the tables, shouted, "Hey, Tsuna! Is that your cat outside?"

"My cat?" he said, before remembering the stray kitten he'd picked up yesterday. "Yeah, it — wait, had I introduced you to my cat?"

"No," Colonello shrugged, "But one look at its eyes and I jumped to conclusions. Why else would such a nicely groomed cat hang around our cafe, anyway?"

"You have a point," Tsuna admitted, "but it isn't that obvious, is it?"

"It's probably just because I know you," the blond reassured him.

After his shift ended, Tsuna was walking down the pavement when a stranger tapped him on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, but I think your cat is stuck in a tree," the middle aged lady said, pointing.

"Oh," Tsuna looked at the squirming kitten, "Thank you. But how did you know -?"

"It looks like you," she said, smiling, "And I sort of guessed, really. I didn't think you'd noticed it getting stuck. It might have been following you around."

Tsuna set his backpack down against a wall and hoisted himself onto the edge. "Thanks again," he called.

"It's very cute," the lady said, amusedly, "Good luck." And she left.

"How do you get yourself into these things," Tsuna said despairingly. "I can't even climb a tree. What am I going to do now?"

"Tsuna!" someone shouted, and he nearly fell off the wall while trying to look back.

"Hi, Yamamoto," Tsuna said in relief. "And Gokudera. Just in time, thank goodness," he said, "I kind of need a little help."

"I didn't know you had a cat," Yamamoto said, as the three of them walked together to Tsuna's house. Tsuna was suffering in silent embarrassment after watching the other two spring up onto the wall and gently rescue the kitten, all in one smooth move.

"I didn't have one until yesterday," Tsuna informed them. "I forgot to tell you today at school. But his name is Natsu, and I found him yesterday when I came home from the cafe."

Yamamoto admired the kitten that was slinking beside them. "He looks exactly like you," he said, "In kitten form."

"It's just the eyes," Gokudera grumbled. "And maybe also how weak it is."

"It's going to grow up into something fierce," Yamamoto argued.

"You wish," Gokudera said in return.

"Everyone says it looks like me," Tsuna intervened, steering them away from yet another argument. "I mean, it does, but I wish it was a little less identical."

"That just makes it cuter," Yamamoto said, "And it's probably fate, anyway, because you don't meet lookalike animals by coincidence like that."

Tuesday morning blurred past in the form of damp mist and small drizzles every so often. The trio met up for lunch, as they always did, but Gokudera was clutching a suspicious lump to his chest.

"I found a kitten," he explained grouchily. "The most bad tempered one in the world, I bet. Why wasn't I blessed with an adorable, well-behaved one like you were?"

The other two were busy exclaiming about the wet huddle of fur that was staining dark, stinky patches on Gokudera's jacket. The rainwater had turned its coat a matted yellow color with dark yellow patches down its back, and its eyes slanted upwards and its mouth down in a fierce frown, giving it a permanent menacing glare.

"It's shivering, poor thing," Tsuna said, stroking it cautiously. The kitten purred. Then Gokudera lifted an arm to scratch it behind its ear and it yowled.

"It hates me," he complained. "But it also keeps coming back, which is weird. Maybe it'll leave to one of your houses today, and leave me in peace."

(It didn't, but it often followed Gokudera into class, and when it did no one could get it, or Gokudera, to behave.)

Soon after this incident, Yamamoto adopted a dog from the local pet shop and it was much better behaved than Gokudera's cat. It fit itself into Yamamoto's life with remarkable ease — it joined him on morning jogs and during afternoon baseball practice.

It also frequently fought with the kitten, which Gokudera had named Uri. It wasn't the one doing the squabbling, though. It was mostly Uri hissing from a good few meters away and the dog staring at it and occasionally ambling forward, to which the kitten jumped back another few meters in response.

Yamamoto named it Jirou.

There was also a swallow that showed up often wherever the trio walked, and it was distinguishable by the sleek blue markings along its body. It particularly liked Jirou, and would perch on the dog's head — so Yamamoto named it Kojirou.

Tsuna always updated Reborn on the animal incidents. 'It's a sudden influx of adorable animals,' he called it.

'It must have been Leon,' Reborn responded,

 ** _leon is the source of everything, after all._**

Or maybe it's fate setting us up for something big.

 ** _don't be so superstitious_**

 ** _it doesn't happen 99% of the time anyway_**

 ** _it's fate messing with you, not setting you up_**

Probably.

I'll tell you when the next victim gets their animal.

Uh, person*


	17. Chapter 17

Cafe Munio

Tsuna lay facedown on the ground and contemplated entering a meditative state when the tinkling of bells signaled the entrance of a possible customer, and he was about to get up when he heard the low humming that Colonello liked to do.

That was promptly followed by an horrified, unintelligible squawk when when said man spotted the prone form lying on the floor. "Tsuna!"

There were a few moments of tense silence until Tsuna allowed himself to release a hopeless sigh. "No… just leave me here to die…" he said weakly.

"I will not abandon my friend in times of need," Colonello declared, his voice sounding far away and heroic from his standing point far above Tsuna. Then he knelt down on the ground. "Unless an angry Lal is involved," he added in a whisper. Tsuna accepted that. "What ails you, my friend?"

"Don't talk like that," Tsuna grumbled, "It adds to my headache. And it muddles my brain, which is already mangled enough from _finals_."

"Ah… finals," Colonello said. He stood and backed away. "I'm afraid Lal is calling," he said hurriedly, and Tsuna could tell from his tone that he was wishing he could erase his earlier words of helping a friend.

"Lal is in Italy at the moment," Tsuna said, not being in the mood for playing along. "But sure, leave me to suffer. I don't want to look at anything physics related, ever again."

"I could burn the textbook," Colonello said, trying to be helpful, but when Tsuna sprung up in a sudden fit of desperate anxiety and clutched said book like a lifeline, he made a quick escape through the door.

Tsuna stayed for another half hour before it was time for the store to close, and as he locked the doors and began trudging slowly home with his backpack resting as a dead weight on his shoulders, he once again entertained the though of becoming a meditative expert and retiring to the mountains.

Reborn was proving to be more helpful than expected when it came to helping Tsuna study — he knew he probably shouldn't be using text as a method of study since it was bound to distract him somewhere, but —

He dived off his bed to snatch up his phone from where it was lying on the floor, unlocking it to reveal a new text.

 ** _if you mess the basic laws up I will fly over there and throw you off a bridge_**

Why a bridge?

 ** _so you have a chance of surviving_**

That's strangely thoughtful. And kind of sweet, in a morbid way.

 ** _what the hell I can kill you with my pinky_**

I did not need to know that.

 ** _hey, who else do you talk to now_**

Um, Hibari.

 ** _tell him I can kill him with my pinky_**

The rest of the night passed by uneventfully.

 _This week has been overly sunny and cheerful for a week of doom_ , Tsuna thought, as he stood with Colonello behind the counter during a slow-moving afternoon.

"Hey, I just realized," Colonello said, turning to look at the sleep-deprived student next to him. "This is your last year of high school, right?"

Tsuna nodded from where he was trying to fall asleep with his eyes open.

"So…you're graduating," Colonello said. "Graduating, which means…"

"I'm going to go to some college in Italy. For 'training,' as my dad put it, but it's probably just one of his exaggerated, overdone metaphors again," Tsuna laid his head on the counter. "Wake me up if someone enters."

Colonello doubted Tsuna's dad was using a metaphor. "Aw, Italy is far away," he said instead, "Update us on your life and happenings every once in a while, won't you?"

"Of course," Tsuna said tiredly.

"Are you gonna work at the shop over in Italy?" Colonello asked, his eyelids drooping as Tsuna's exhaustion began to affect him as well. He laid his head on the table.

"Oh, I hadn't thought of that," Tsuna said. Then he thought of Reborn. "No."

Colonello, having correctly guessed the reason for Tsuna's answer, closed his eyes, and they stayed hunched over on the table until Viper entered the cafe and, upon seeing them, mercilessly slapped them awake.

"Your friends don't come over often now, do they," Colonello said the next day, as they wiped tables.

"No, they're busy studying for finals," Tsuna answered. "As I should be," he muttered under his breath. "I'll find a box for the cake order," he said, and hurried away into the safety of the back room.

Once there, he spent a long time mulling over something that he wasn't sure he should say. Then he exited to say, "Actually, I'm not sure whether they're actually studying or using it as an excuse to go to each other's houses."

Colonello raised his eyebrows at this. "Do you want to join them?"

Tsuna shuddered at the thought, remembering the last encounter he'd had that resulted in a lot of flustered apologies. "I don't want to worry about them doing… things behind my back while I'm busy, in addition to some _other_ problems. I caught them quite a few times," he said in response to Colonello's questioning look, "And they're not being very subtle about it, either."

"Speaking of being subtle," he continued, "There's also the looming problem of me needing to accept Hibari's offers of his tutoring services, but I cringe to think of what that may be…"

"You might want to think twice on that one," Colonello said carefully. Then Lal slammed open the glass door to announce her return from her trip to Italy, and he was too preoccupied with attempting to help move the boxes of exotic ingredients to further participate in the solutions to Tsuna's many problems.

So preoccupied, that when Hibari showed up to drag Tsuna away, four textbooks cradled casually in one arm, he failed to notice.

As Tsuna stumbled down the street, ignoring the piercing pain from where his shirt collar was pulled against his throat, he casually said, "Reborn wants me to tell you that he can kill you with his pinky."

Hibari answered with a noncommittal grunt, but Tsuna thought he saw something previously dormant flare up in his eyes, and shivered.

"Here," Hibari said, stopping in front of a rather large traditional Japanese home to unlock the gate. "What do you need help with?" he said gruffly.

"Um," Tsuna said, his mind lost in thoughts of how _really freaking capable_ Hibari must be to walk fifteen minutes with four extremely heavy textbooks in _one hand_ and dragging Tsuna in the other— "If I want to pass, not as much as before, I guess."

"I see."

Maybe it was just Tsuna, but he did think Hibari looked ever so slightly disappointed.

Then there was blooming pain in the back of his head. Hibari set the broom down and walked ahead of him, turning into a doorway. "Hurry up."

Tsuna learned a lot that day.

An 85, at least, he said to Reborn afterwards.

 ** _so you'll come to Italy_**

Probably.

Oh, and I told Hibari you could kill him with your pinky.

 ** _did you now_**

He just kind of shrugged.

 ** _hmph_**

When exams came, Tsuna blazed through them fairly easily and thanked both his tutors for their help with his frantic cramming.

"Really, I can't thank you enough," he said to both of them through their respective methods of communication, "I'm positive I can get into my university now. I don't know how to thank you enough."

Then they took on a frighteningly similar attitude of smugness, giving Tsuna the unnerving feeling that he probably shouldn't have said that.

The staff of Cafe Munio, Namimori, threw him a farewell party. Gokudera and Yamamoto, astonishingly, were going to join Tsuna in his university — "Oh, it suited our needs as well," they said when questioned — and Tsuna received a mysterious letter with an unknown insignia on it that Colonello later told him belonged to Belphegor's group.

"The knife guy," was Tsuna's only answer, but he didn't say anything further because Colonello looked increasingly displeased.

And, of course, there was Reborn.

 ** _you'd better apply for a job here_**

 _It isn't as if I would be able to do anything else_ , he thought resignedly. If he even did try to apply for another job Reborn would surely sabotage it and he'd end up with only one option in the end.

 ** _see you_**

Tsuna promised to regularly inform Colonello on his 'important milestones' and spent a week rushing about the house, planning, packing, and comforting his mother when she suddenly burst into happy tears.

Hibari was suitably annoyed at this. When he told Tsuna that he'd found a spot at the same university, well, Tsuna should probably have expected it.

At the airport, Lal ruffled his hair with more force than usual, then his mother wrapped him in a hug and nearly strangled him with the amount of strength she put into it.

Tsuna found himself looking forward to the journey, and as he boarded the plane, he found himself impossibly contented with his life as it was. He was surrounded by people who'd made him happier than he'd ever been, and they'd been the ones who made this period of his life the most fulfilling of all.

When the plane started its engines to begin its breathtaking ascent into the air, Tsuna couldn't help but feel like it had only been the beginning. He settled in his seat, glanced at Gokudera and Yamamoto bickering across the aisle, then over at Hibari who was taking a nap beside him, and vowed to enjoy whatever came the best he could.

A/N: and that's the end! thank you so much for reading it all! I hope I did the ending okay ;-;


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